all right, i’m gonna try and sober up from my weekend; you guys read an old bit about my nipples, and we’ll catch up on the weekend later…

see, here’s the problem. i write this page. i edit this page. i never actually READ this page. it’s true. so, i kinda forgot i was supposed to stretch at the gym. i NEVER stretch. i forgot i was supposed to go light. i NEVER go light. so i decided to see how far i could go, exercise wise.

the world gym (now gold’s gym…this was originally done over a year ago) downtown is going through “renovations” what that means for now is the men’s locker room is gone. not inconvenient. not under construction. gone. as in “not there”. so, you can’t change at the gym. i would guesstimate that about 78% of the membership of world gym downtown is male. and gay. VERY gay. (almost frighteningly so…like the kind that fit the stereotypes that religious people go on about) so, when the place they could lounge in next to nothing (or less) and socialize (i.e. the locker room) was taken away, they left. all the better for us…the few…the proud…the one’s that are there to work out. but we have to change at the office. no big loss to me, otherwise. see, i’m not “pretty”. don’t get me wrong, i’m FAR from unattractive, but i’m by no means pretty. add to that that when i work out, i’m sweaty. and grunting. and my hairs only half pulled back (again, this was back before i started shaving my head and my hair was actually LONGER than kramer’s). doing anything for you? if so, please see the “blow stuff” side bar item. for the average gay guy, it does ABSOLUTELY nothing…which is a good thing. not that i have a problem with gay men, you understand. (and i won’t do the typical hetero thing and list off every gay guy that’s crossed my path in a vain attempt to justify that statement, i’ll just let it stand) in fact, i LOVE bi women (what real man doesn’t?) but the way i look at homosexuality is the same way i view christianity or vegetarianism. you have your views, i have mine. just don’t try to make me head your way, and we’re all good. and if you do attempt to “swing” me your way, we’ll probably have a problem or two. let’s move on…

so today, which was GORGEOUS outside, had me walking to the gym, in the aforementioned (??) abercrombie khaki shorts, and a wife beater. judging off the looks (and two honks) i got on the way down, apparently this thuggish look works on me. so, i get there, and it’s monday. which means upper body. start with the bench.

ten reps, 155 pounds. no problems. no back issues (injured myself apparently before the original of this was done). eight reps, 205 pounds. again, no issues. so, i move on. six reps, 255 pounds. again, no issues. till rep numero six. and NOT because of my back. see, mid-set, my left pec moved itself OUT of the wife beater. but not the WHOLE pec. just the nipple. which is pierced (as they both are). so, on the sixth rep, as the bar came down, i heard that “clink” of metal on metal. as in barbell to barbell. plus, the bar in a gym is COLD. now, if i touched ice to YOUR nipple, could you still push your body weight and then some away? (if you’re reading this at work, and female, probably best NOT to picture me touching ice to your nipple, huh? for what it’s worth, it’s a nice visual for me…or maybe candle wax? again, let’s move on…)

so, i managed through rep six, with no issues. then on to curls, tricep press, behind the neck press…ALL at full weight. with no issues. so far, so good. but why does the left nipple ALWAYS pop out? i swear, i HAVE to be uneven…but at least my back feels good.

figured i’d let y’all know…

(all i can gather of this next paragraph is that this is when i started harping on the thing that now appears as “blow stuff” on the side bar but on older bits was under a tab labeled “give till it hurts”)

since IF you go through with your donations, i ALWAYS reciprocate. it’s the least i can do…after all, with me being pierced, you might chip a tooth or two…so if you’re willing to take that risk JUST to help my creativity, i might as well return the favor. plus, i’d ENJOY it (tongue is pierced, too, ya know…and with good reason) and from what i’ve been told, i’m pretty good at it. okay, NOW i feel warm…

Replies: 5 Comments

yeah, red scorp, i know what you mean…dunno why that was in the original, but it was, and i re-run in their entirety…the only difference was on THIS one i added my own commentary about what i had written. as with all on this page, it’s all meant in good fun…

sean (still writing this slop) said @ 07/29/2003 09:20 AM CST

Um, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but unless you’re a woman courting a guy who has a thing about loyalty or chastity or whatever (yeah, you), um, well, advertising for ‘it’ is likely to produce the exact opposite result.

the scorpio redhead said @ 07/28/2003 09:39 PM CST

true enough, but still better than ga. who’s motto is”if she’s old enough to bleed, fuck her!”

shane said @ 07/28/2003 03:07 PM CST

yeah, shane, but this is also the state where it’s common to say, “boy…don’t you touch her!!! if she ain’t good enough for her own kin folk to nail she ain’t good enough for us!!!”

sean (i write this slop) said @ 07/28/2003 01:09 PM CST

i knew a girl in nashville who thought it was ridiculous that men got their nipples pierced because they always reminded her of “puppy titties” it doesn’t have anything to do with the entry, just thought i’d share.sorry, i’ve been going to meetings all weekend and it’s becoming a habit(sharing not meetings).

shane said @ 07/28/2003 01:01 PM CST

breathalyzers…they’re not just for cops, former alcoholic’s pontiacs, and porno places (in my perfect world) any more. nope…know where they really belong?

mobile phones. baby, no bullshit…

not just for the drunk dial situation, which we’ve all experienced from one end or the other. oh no, i think there should be an attachment you have to breathe into before you answer the damn things, too. ’cause that has played havoc on my life more than once.

take sunday night, for example…

after a somewhat extended s.a. excursion i was back at the house for “grill and be grilled” day. a bit redder than normal (i have a sunburn for the first time in years) but otherwise all good. had a beef shoulder roast and a pork roast smoking nice and slow over a bed of mesquite chunks and apple wood chips. what WASN’T going slow was the rise of my blood alcohol level. but that’s okay…that’s where the “…and be grilled” part comes into the day, right?

once i was good and toasty (i’ve found that no carbs / no starch = no alcohol absorbancy, which makes me a pretty cheap date when it comes to bar hopping) i realized that my mobile was back on the charger in the bedroom. when i went to check it, the damn thing rang and my drunk ass answered it.

uh-oh.

details are a bit foggy as to what happened from there exactly, but the long and the short of it had me launching into about an hour or so of telling this person all this stuff i never would have said in a trillion years without the aid of some ‘liquid courage’, or ‘russian truth serum’…i.e. vodka.

ah, alcohol…the source of, and solution to, all of life’s little problems.

in the long run, airing all this mental laundry that had been sitting stagnant for days, weeks, and in some cases years appears to have been a good thing. but when i woke up the next morning and crawled off my (still drunk) face, i wondered at the time. guess time will tell. and for once, no names will be mentioned to protect the not so innocent. but trust me, if you get your drunk on at the house, just lock your phone and your keys in the car…something tells me it’ll all be worth the $25 you have to pay pop-a-lock the next day.

Replies: 6 Comments

beerland here in austin? or is there one in s.a.? i’m supposed to go to some party in s.a. on saturday…just need to find someone to go with me…

sean said @ 07/24/2003 09:02 AM CST

Sean, I’m testing the no carb thing at Beerland this Friday with a group of friends. I’ll let you know how it goes.

the redheaded scorpio said @ 07/24/2003 07:27 AM CST

Aint it a bitch when you get drunk (like a glass of water), let all of those simian primates off your back for the evening then have to round them all up when you get sober again.

Harold said @ 07/24/2003 01:04 AM CST

nope, fish boy…homer simpson

sean said @ 07/23/2003 05:09 PM CST

hey, it wasn’t the sunfire’s fault; it got more action than i did.

shane said @ 07/23/2003 04:52 PM CST

“ah, alchohol…the source of, and solution to, all of life’s little problems.”

I know I’ve heard that before. somewhere in the canon of great literature?

astrofishy said @ 07/23/2003 01:31 PM CST

this weekend was filled with way too much booze, a bit too much sun, and several cartoon fish. but here’s a lil’ bit from the whore’s past for you to savor while i ponder what all happened the last couple of days…

okay, so FINALLY i have somebody to sue. bout damn time. i was gonna wait till tomorrow to put this in, but i can’t. this is the second part to the “white people” comment. and i can’t sue someone who did something this funny…

in protest to all the native-american slams that go on in mascots these days, there’s a team in colorado called, “the fighting whites” i shit you not. the fighting whities.

TOO fucking funny.

so now, can i sue them? they’ve got a rather ward cleaver looking guy on their jerseys, and the slogan on the front of their t-shirts says, “everythang’s gonna be all white”. so, am i supposed to feel the way they do when they see a cleveland baseball jersey? ’cause i’m laughing my ASS off here, and i’m NOT offended. i think it’s funny as hell. as carlos mencia says time and time again, “lighten up, america”.

2020 update – the team is now gone, and might have just been a marketing scheme but did a butt load of good while they were around.

so, the last one got not only comments, but my phone ringing. yea, though no one was mentioned by name, offended some still were. not meant to offend, i promise…but to keep the theme alive, to a degree, let’s re-run an oldie that can help you avoid some pitfalls during this, the summer fling season…
[continue reading…]

07/09/2003: “”

saturday

i got to two rivers on saturday feeling better than i had since thursday. why? i actually got a whopping five hours of sleep before that one. sleep dep by my normal standards, but damn refreshing compared to the two and half i’d crashed on thursday night. maybe the sleep dep helped in the hallucinations i thought were just my minds reaction to the overwhelming dead head funk of the day before…if i saw teams of polar bears and toucans having canned cheese fights in the middle of the parking lot that WAS a hallucination, right? before you answer, keep in mind that was the most normal of the three or four things i thought i saw. i’ll say this; the dead head factor was a major player on saturday in so many ways…

first off, there was their predominant absence. funny how that works, huh? when the dead don’t play, the dead heads tend to leave. what that meant was a slight drop in attendance between day one and day two of wet willie weekend 2k3. while my eyes glancing at attendance numbers weren’t as happy, my crystal-clear sinuses were very happy. combine that with the lack of hallucinations, and all was fairly well. but since i DID sleep for about five hours on friday night, i’m still not sure if it was a clear nose or a rested head to blame for the lack of delusion. but i digress…

let’s focus on the ones that were there on day two. can i call them neil heads since neil young headlined the second day? probably not…they were very clearly leftovers from the day before. some in more ways than one.

ya see, we had these wristbands. and as we told EVERYBODY that we put them on, you had to keep your ticket stub with you AND the wristband on your wrist to get re-entry both days. very simple. very cut and dry. surprisingly, none of the dead heads asked me if they had to leave them on when they showered that night. go figure. i did start volunteering that information in the hopes that it would encourage them to maybe, just maybe, bathe that weekend. optimistic lil’ me…no such luck.

but the real drama came on day two when people would bring up wristbands in two (or more) pieces and a ticket stub and ask for re-entry. obviously, this presents a bit of a security nightmare because the dead had about half as many folks in the parking lot as they did in the actual show. and we all know the dead crowd is ALL about sharing. how are they to know someone bailed day two since the dead weren’t playing and just gave up their shit (or sold it for beads, or ‘shrooms, or hemp jewelry, or whatever) to someone who wanted to go in on day two?

exactly…

so, we got to argue. and get called names. and get yelled at. and get quoted how much the tickets cost them (like we weren’t fucking aware…it IS what we do for a living, ya know). here’s a six pack of excuses out of the hundreds i had to sit through…

1. it slipped off while i was swimming…

my response was a two-parter. number one, we had to put them on to where we could only squeeze one finger between the band and your wrists (and there are some nasty motherfucking wrists at a willie / dead show, lemme tell you). if one of the tent crew put it on too loose, security sent them back to us to get re-banded. so i explained that the only way it could have slipped off was if he was getting dragged by a boat across the lake by his ankles. then he said it split, not slipped. so i asked where his girlfriend’s was. he said the same thing happened to her. i told him,”nice try”.

2. i never got a wristband…

again, nice try. if the security saw you with a two day ticket and no wristband, they escorted you back to us immediately. also, we were yelling it out constantly while people were waiting in line. but, you tried…you just failed. these things happen.

3. i didn’t know we had to keep them on…

yes, you did. we told absolutely everybody. sorry to be a prick and all, but when four of us talk ourselves hoarse (for those who know me picture how much talking that takes to achieve) i damn well KNOW everybody got told. and if you didn’t know, why did you bring back the wristbands the second day? stupid is as stupid does, i suppose.

4. it slipped off when i got to lathery in the shower last night…

i am so kidding on that one.

5. i cut it off when i went to dinner…it’s just a wristband, man; what’s the difference?

this was actually a two-part excuse. i was just about to be cool to this guy, until he said the second part. then all bets were off, ’cause he said it in a kind of “fuck you” tone. my response? “the difference is, if you had left them on like i told you too, you’d be in the show right now…but if you wanna pay again, you can go back.”

6. they ran out of wristbands and told me to come back today…i got here at 7:00, and they were out of the day’s allotment since it was so late…

this one i found VERY interesting. ’cause i was in the tent (with very short exceptions) from 7:45 am to 10:15 pm on july 4th. we never ran out of wristbands. in fact, we were still working off the same case of 25,000 wristbands on saturday (keep in mind these were only for two day pass folks, single ticket folks didn’t get one…). he also went on to say it was a supervisor that had told him that, and i WAS the supervisor when he said he had come by. i repeated the words, “no untorn ticket, no wristband” over FIFTEEN times. in two languages. when i started on the spanish, he shouted “I SPEAK ENGLISH!!!” i replied, “well, i’ve said the same thing a DOZEN times and it hasn’t sunk in, so i thought that would help…” he was not happy. i did not care.

7. i snapped it off my wrist when i was having sex…

no, chester, that’s not sex. that’s tossing off. whacking. flogging the dolphin. whatever you wanna call it. doesn’t count as sex. sorry.

(and i did the extra one since i cheated with the shower comment)

what did all this prompt in me?

my comment at the end of the day?

“if one more patchoulli-wreaking pseudo-hippy motherfucker gets in my face about how they fucked up their god damned wristband i’m gonna show the little shit why the powers of the world solve their disputes with swift and blinding violence instead of peace…”

i don’t think i’ve ever made a group of security guards laugh that hard ever…next show for me? nelly on saturday…time to get my gangsta on.

where to begin on this one? it was wet willie weekend and if i don’t see the two rivers place for about six months that’ll be okay with me…so let’s just look at what all i dealt with, eh?

thursday

it was PREDICTED that some of the campers (the willie site had camping for several hundred) would come and pick up tickets or what not on july 3rd since that was when they got to load in. so i had to go out there at noon and sit and ‘work’ till 6:00. six hours. in a box office. no tv. no pc. no radio. no sales. okay, two tickets sold four minutes after i plopped down on the stool. ‘this won’t be so bad’, i thought…and that was all she wrote. then i got to set up stuff and start printing all the unprinted. granted, this sounds a bit philosophical, but basically if you ordered your willie stuff and set it to be picked up, we printed and sorted it the night before. took a crew of four of us about six hours and some change to complete the job. the things we do for you people. i got out at 12:30 am on july 4th (after being at the office by 9:00 am july 3rd). then i got to go crash in l-town, which meant i didn’t get to bed till around 2:30 am. yee-haw

friday

my alarm is scheduled to go off at 5:30 am…three hours after i crash. but thanks to an electrical storm my alarm doesn’t go off, so i get to sleep in…till 6:00. then it’s off to the venue, dressed in the requested “pseudo-professional-ticket-selling” gear which basically means no sandals and no ink showing. but i take it the extra yard and actually wear a button-up shirt. then i find out i’m running the will call tent. as in outdoors. out came the sleeveless wear (and countless referrals for harold, owner of sharp things tattoos & body piercings, on the square in san marcos, 512-353-1170. last one for a while, i swear!!!) ’cause it’s all good while the rain fell (and fall it did). not so much once the rain cleared off and a hot texas sun hitting rain soaked ground turned the place into a sauna. and NOTHING compliments the steamy heat of a texas sauna quite like the scent of deadheads.

a funk not even george clinton would groove to.

i’ll tell ya…it’s pretty bad when a group of folks wreaks so thoroughly that the smell alone induces acid-like hallucinations. that was the game i played with myself on july 4th to try and keep sane after a while…guessing who the burnt-out, raggedy individual approaching us was there to see…willie or the dead. a lot of their fans DO look pretty similar; like homeless people en masse. scraggly hair, bad tattoos, WAY to much ‘skin’ showing. and the only reason i use the word in quotes is because they’ve all taken on an appearance that looks less like human flesh and more like tobacco soaked pleather. like a couch in a double-wide, but with a rebel flag tattoo that’s only half colored in. so, you’d go off the check list…

1. scraggly and desheveled? check…could be either
2. bad tattoos? check…could be either
3. hemp jewelry and / or pot leaf pendant? still could be either / or at this point.
3. does the tattoo have a confederate or anti-russian theme? willie fan.
4. does the tattoo have a mushroom in it? dead fan.

and so on and so on. what’s funny is that while dead HEADS look that way, the dead don’t. and i’ll grant you, a bit of their fan base looks like older, professional types…but that only makes them more fun to watch when you see them do ‘the dance’. the ‘noodle dance’ i believe it’s called. when a guy is in patchwork pants and a tie-dyed shirt, it looks normal. well, the hippy version of normal. when you put someone in dockers khaki shorts and a polo shirt doing it, it looks as if a seizure has set in. i’ve never seem so many confused concert paramedics in my life. they went on an hour early (pat green got stuck in the traffic going out to the venue, which at times was a four-hour wait) and once they were done, the mass exodus began. by the time pat green DID hit the stage, there was hardly a glass ‘shroom dangling from a hemp string as far as the eye could see.

this all sucked for me, ’cause i was proud we were starting to pack up the outside stuff at 10:00, and figured i could beat the crowd out…then all of a sudden, not so much. i did finally roll out at around midnight (again), and got home around 1:30. that night i got a whopping five hours of sleep, and then was back up by 6:30 and out there by 9:00. we’ll pick up there tomorrow…’cause i’m still sleepy and this one is getting a bit long…

Replies: 3 Comments

mz. obsin…

i agree on the harold thing, but if wwi made you cringe, try and avoid wwii…and any of the back stuff on panic shows last year…

sean said @ 07/09/2003 09:30 AM CST

DUDE…
you’ve insulted the deadheads, you’ve insulted the rednecks,
you’ve insulted the hicks…
hell, i think you even insulted the russians….
dangling glass mushrooms…
indeed…
OH…and for the idiot who DOESN’T know…Harold is an ARTISTE’…(if i could make a raspberry on here…i would!!!!!)hehehehehehee

sacred_obsinity said @ 07/08/2003 10:06 PM CST

and who is harold, really?

astrofishy said @ 07/08/2003 06:16 PM CST

an oldie but a goodie…

[continue reading…]

finally a law that hits us where it hurts…in more ways than one. let me reveal a guy secret real quick…there are basically three simple things that make us tick; and as long as all three are in balance in our world, we’re happy campers. if not, all goes black and swirly…

1. fucking
2. eating and drinking
3. sleeping

oh yeah, and driving? how many guys do you know that don’t like to drive? no matter WHAT you drive, we all like to drive. hell, that could basically make number four on the list. and we typically like to combine one of the things OFF the list with driving.

that’s why most open container tickets are given out to guys…’cause we’re always driving, and we’re always in need of a cold beverage. or something from the take-out line. we’ve all done the one fisted cheeseburger scarf with the steering wheel in the other (or, if standard transmission is present, hand on shifter, steer with knee). and what guy hasn’t gotten blown in his car in the middle of nowhere? (if you’re out there, sucks to be you…although not literally, i suppose). just try not to combine sleeping with driving; that can be deadly.

but tennessee is looking to change one of the simple driving combo platters. yes, from the land that gave us elvis and who’s motto is “tennesseein’ is tennebelievin'” they’ve now decided what you DON’T need to be tennesseein’ in your vehicle is PORN. the state recently passed a law that bars the big ballin’ shot callin’ tenneplayas rollin’ dub-style in their escalades from watchin’ anal asian sluts part XII if the screen can be viewed from the outside. ah, the bible belt…

life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…the three things we’re guaranteed as americans. and what’s a happier place than driving around with porn playing in your vehicle? i mean if you can’t roll down the boulevard with jenna jameson taking it up the ass on the back of your headrests, why don’t we just move to pakistan or something?

i guess the irony of this law is that is geared specifically towards fucking over southern people. i mean, who would spring for video monitors and NOT spring for window tint? if the glass is tinted so nobody can see your screens, you can watch that fun illegal shit. that midget rodeo clown beastiality shit. you know, the kind of stuff harold (owner of sharp things tattoos and piercings on the square in san marcos, 512-353-1170) watches. but never mind that now. hell, at least in texas we can still get away with it…

Replies: 6 Comments

i don’t particularly like to drive. i don’t really sleep a lot either. but the sex thing…as the kool-aid guy says “OH YEAH!!!”

josh said @ 06/26/2003 08:22 AM CST

but do you really bleed blood? I always thought it wold be more like BBQ sauce, or bourbon…

astrofishy said @ 06/25/2003 10:52 PM CST

for all of those who are curious (of which i’m sure there are very, very few) when i was getting ink work done by harold last night we nicked what i believe was a chigger bite or something and it started bleeding…but since we kept pulling off the paper towel bit every time we took a break, it kept bleeding…for about four hours. but when i woke up this morning, it was fine. he DID call and make sure i was alive before posting today, though…

sean said @ 06/25/2003 03:06 PM CST

Asian Goats XII? I thought they ended a an even X! Hook a brotha up!

astrofishy said @ 06/25/2003 01:14 PM CST

I drew a fabulous cartoon of last night (assuming you didn’t die of blood loss in the night) you, with an unusually large full roll of paper towels precariously stuck to your shoulder but solid red. Then another with a very surprised and full mosquito.

Harold said @ 06/25/2003 12:50 PM CST

Sorry to disappoint, not into anything illegal, unless I move to Tennessee I suppose. For some reason I pretty sure it was Asian GOATS pt.XII, what having occured in Tennebelivin’ and all.

Harold said @ 06/25/2003 12:41 PM CST

so, for my birthday night, i had good chinese, a nice leggy date, and a show stuffed with white people; but in the middle of all the caucasianess i came up with an idea that can help a lot of my readers out. a lot of my single, male readers. sorry, ladies…

creed. train. matchbox 20. (the latter of which is where i ended up last night…hey, at least that rob thomas guy and that WAY overplayed song helped kick start santana’s career again, right?). all a bunch of whiney white boys that are a bit too in touch with their feminine side for my everyday tastes. i’ll admit some of that first matchbox album had merit…as did the first (and before it was overplayed, the second) album from sugar ray, who was the opener. but lead boy mark mcgrath went a little TOO generic with his crowd pumping antics. he talked up the spurs, and smiled sheepishly as the crowd roared. hate to break it to you mark, but the kkk could get a standing ovation in s.a. if they talked up the spurs…that town loves their nba champs. as well they should.

then, he dedicated the song fly to “all the people over in iraq still fighting the war”. fair enough. but he went and asked the crowd, “how many of y’all know someone in the military?” dipshit, this is san anfuckingtonio. their are 487 military bases in the city. wanna hit a small demographic? ask if someone DOESN’T know someone who’s worn camo for a living.

we walked in during sugar ray’s set, and all was dark (but DAMN the seats were good…not as good as the last show i went to there (seventh row floor), but DAMN good none the less…arranged because my date’s mom’s boss’s daughter is a radio contest fiend and had TWO sets of free tickets.) but when the house lights came on, i noticed three very distinct things:

1. despite my letters and petitions, backless halter tops are still available in plus sizes.

2. this crowd was FAR from ethnically diverse. i’ve never seen that many white people in a large room since the last time i caught c-span.

3. not a lot of single guys there.

and that’s when it hit me. this is THE most “target rich environment” (in the terms of a certain anonymous colleague). there are TONS of single girls (usually in groups of no more than three). and after the emotionally “touching” lyrics of the band start to melt in, and they see all the couples around them, they get to wanting some company. THAT is your cue. much like the lion waits by the watering hole for the gazelle to come and drink. the gazelle’s throat need not go dry, and neither should your happy stick. yours just won’t have results as tragic as the gazelles…unless you REALLY fuck this up. the next estrogen-x fest will be later in the summer at the verizon wireless ampitheater in selma – counting crows and john mayer opening. you KNOW there will be more single women there than any of you know what to do with. hell, enough to where I might even run out of ideas…

wait…scratch that last one. that is SO not possible.

here’s a few lines to try to “relate”:

1. they’re edgy, but not too edgy, ya know?

2. i like the way {the lead singer} can be so sensitive, yet still be manly…

3. their lyrics just really speak to me

4. i like just throwing their new on on a rainy afternoon when i’m at home alone

5. at least they’re not one of those bands angry for no reason

6. they just rock…

or be creative. just seem sensitive and vulnerable, but not in a “i do hair for a living” kinda way. you should be fine. now go forth and conquer…but then make her scream MY name. you OWE that to me…

Replies: 2 Comments

“Target-rich environment”? Now I know how to cover up that birthmark–I’ll just have a bullseye tattooed on it.

the other redhead said @ 06/22/2003 06:43 PM CST

the real trick is that when played backwards, slowly , a short series of beta waves are sounded followed by masked voices stating ; am i gay; you should sleep with this guy; throw your (xxl) panties on the stage; he/she’s cute; etc. etc. …

Harold said @ 06/22/2003 01:51 AM CST

friday night i went to see george lopez…which was damn funny. the night had it’s good points and it’s bad points, but the absolute LOWEST point came when i got home to discover my a.c. had frozen up at the house. great…

now, i’ve never taken an a.c. repair course (be it at a trade school or by mail) but i know there are three basic reasons your air conditioner will freeze up on you:

1. restricted air flow
2. low freon
3. you live in polar conditions

well, texas is pretty far from polar (yet, i still seem to always befriend/date/fuck/whatever bipolar people…how odd). so, it was either #1 or #2. my buddy jim’s dad (who used to do a.c. repair) always tells me to check my filter first, and sure ’nuff it was disgusting. see, i used to use those mega-filter-charcoal-laced deals that last ninety days. but last time i went to buy one, they didn’t have that kind…so i had to get a normal one instead.

i just forgot to change it for three months…oops.

so i pulled the ol’ nastass filter, cleaned out the entire blower assembly with canned air, and then put a new ninety day filter and fired it up. all was well. all blew cold. i went off to the eye doctor since my house was a happy, cool place.

for about four hours. then it froze up again. FUCK!!!

see, it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. because i live in lockhart, and saturday was the height of the chisolm trail roundup festival. anyone from a smaller town knows what i’m talking about…

see, if you live in a small to mid-sized town, every year you have this festival. maybe it’s in tribue to the crop that saved the town, or some little microcosm of history that it can cling to in order to give it some level of pride and significance, but it happens EVERY year. it comes with chili cook offs and rodeos and parades and carnies. yee-haw. and when it’s the SATURDAY of the festival, pretty much the entire town shuts the fuck down. sure, the grocery stores and wal-mart and other national stuff is open. but the mom & pop stuff? forget about it…and the same goes for the service industry. why go earn money when you can sit out in the heat and drink $3 beers and see people you wanted to fuck in high school but never got to and now come back to town and even though they never said word one to you before now they are all about being your buddy.

but now they’re fat, and still annoying, and now you don’t WANT to be there buddy…and you sure as hell don’t wanna fuck them. not even after $20 worth of $3 beer coupled with the texas heat. but, i digress…

so, i found one guy who came over (he was working at a house only two blocks from mine) and not only fixed my problem (dirty coil) but showed ME how to fix it next time…my first course in a.c. repair, plus him fixing it for me, all for $65. money i didn’t really have, but you just can’t live without a.c. in texas…so it had to happen. see, if maslow had lived in texas, the first level would have had ‘food, clothing, shelter, and climate control’. but never mind that now…

Replies: 3 Comments

I’d rather stick my dick in a hot tail pipe, or even worse, use paypal.

btw – cool ztrip mix – if that WAS you…

greg said @ 06/18/2003 03:12 PM CST

greg, i couldn’t agree more….somebody start paying me…one way or another…

sean said @ 06/17/2003 02:51 PM CST

I haven’t changed my cheap ass filter in over six months. totally forgot.

Damn, you are entertaining AND useful! someone pay this guy already!

greg said @ 06/17/2003 02:30 PM CST