okay, so here was the plan…next week is mother’s day; i had a nice fun, happy post for today, and then tomorrow (the official “one week” mark) i was gonna do a somewhat light-hearted bit about how that (as in mother’s day, NOT tomorrow) was the one day of the year i felt it was TOTALLY justified for me to get blind-ass drunk at home alone since mom passed away six years ago and the day basically sucks for me and will until i have kids and therefore a woman and can kinda make the day HERS.
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okay, so the last couple of lists i’ve done have been quite well received; those being gym attire tips, and the hippy thangs my life could do without. but a few people were upset the gym thang was ONLY about clothing, and not about working out; and josh pointed out that i WAY limited myself on the hippy thing (he swung up and hung out for both nights at la zona with me), so here’s a friday morning bonus for y’all…another five of each.
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“hippies….hippies….everywhere…..they say they wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad…” – eric cartman, south park
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missing: one curvy, luscious, hottie porn star in training
name: answers to “kimberly”, “THE astrowhore”, or “bubba sean’s bitch” when enough tequila has been ingested…
last seen: san antonio texas, and probably not wearing very much; or at least in a top that shows “them” off rather nicely
distinguishing marks and/or scars: none to my knowledge, except for the aforementioned “them” (38Ds, all natural), quite an impressive ghetto butt, and a legendary mouth (and i don’t just mean because of her electric smile, although that’s all that i would PERSONALLY know about), plus a flexibility, libido, and endurance level that reduces both men and women to tears

(again, i wouldn’t know…remember, i’m “special” in that regard…hey, why the hell AM i trying to find this girl again???)

reward: well, if you treat her right, she’ll reward you in LOTS of ways…of course, if you DO find her, try to get her to reward me just a lil’ bit…i’m so tired of being so special to so many.
info: send all info to the mail link at the top of the page. thank you.

so, monday decided to be a monday and SUCK royally. they do that sometimes. and what combats a good, sucky, monday vibe?

(i begin to make horn noises with my mouth here)

nu-nah-nah-nuh-nah-nuh-nah-nuh TEQUILA!!!

yes, or as i like to call it, mexican tylenol. it doesn’t really KILL the pain, just makes it to where you aren’t really concerned with it as much anymore. so that was me & josh at dinner last night. tequila. and plenty of it. not so much to where i couldn’t drive safely (as verified via phone to kathi…although initially she was concerned), and there was some food thrown in (essentially for absorption purposes) but leave me alone here….it was a suck-ass day (even though i didn’t go to work till the ass-crack of NOON), and i have to work shows after work both today (it’s tuesday morning as i’m writing this) and tomorrow, so if i was gonna alcoholically cushion the monday pains, it was gonna have to take place ON monday…

there was some coolness to monday, though. money. i got to count up the cash from me & shane’s fiesta excursion. half way through, steve (one of the bosses) walks in and starts going over everything i have. for my own personal safety at future shows, i won’t reveal exact numbers, but he sat and watched me methodically count the tail end of the small bills and quarters and had a calculator in his hand at the time. as i plinked down the last set of four quarters, he looked at me and said, “amazing…all those tickets, all that cash, and you’re only $1.00 off. i don’t know how you did that..” (keep in mind we don’t use cash registers, and it’s not uncommon for drawers to come up off balance…of course, the more you pull in, the more margin of error they allow you…shane and i were allowed a fairly sizable margin of error)

“what’s more amazing,” i added, “was the fact that tickets were $14.50, and we kept running out of quarters. we burned through the $200 we got sent down with, then i bought a total of another $100 off the vendors in the place, then another $50 from the bar down the street (thanks to bombay bicycle club for REALLY coming through in a pinch for me), and the another $70 of the $100 i made the promoter’s runner get for us. when we ran out, and people bought single tickets, i’d ask them if they had the fifty cents, and if NOT, if they’d ‘donate’ it. if they agreed (they usually did…people don’t typically say ‘no’ to me) we’d only give them $5 in change then wait till they were out of ear shot, and turn around and give someone else (typically cute and female) six bucks in change to balance, but you had to mentally remember where you were on that sort of thing”

“damn,” said steve, “that makes it down-right impressive you were only $1 off”

“nope,” i replied, “what’s impressive is…(i reach into the bottom of my backpack and he sees a flash of gold in my hand) people ACTUALLY though these damn sacagawea dollar coins would be popular”, and i slammed a single coin to the table. “me and shane are DEAD FUCKING ON!!!”, i half shouted. damn, we’re smooth.

speaking of smooth, a lot of SA concert goers AREN’T. at every sunken garden’s show i go to, i see this.

it should first be noted that sunken gardens amphitheater IS truly sunken…i.e. it is surrounded by cliffs. and due to the fact that it’s city land those cliffs are patrolled by san antonio park rangers. anyway, so at every show, i see some fool drop down the shorter area into some trees at the back of the venue and then sprint his ass off into the crowd, which means clearing a rather sizeable, grassy area where all the food and booze vendors are. as he does this, park rangers from all around try to pounce him. the goal is to make it across the flatlands, up the hill, and into the crowd right in front of the stage…

the problem with trying this on sunday was that during the day the food was as big an attraction as the bands, so the poor slob who tried it crested the hill to see NO crowd he could blend into, and when he stopped to figure out what to do, the long arm of the law LITERALLY grabbed him.

whenever i see one mid-sprint, it always reminds me of the scene in “born in east la” where cheech marin and sever other mexican nationals are sprinting into the us. this illusion is helped along by the fact that sa park rangers wear the same shades of green and gold as the border patrol….except i’ve NEVER seen an sa park ranger who is either caucasian OR over 5’5″. don’t let the size fool you, though…these motherfuckers can SPRINT. and reach. and most importantly, cuff.

damn, now i can’t WAIT to work the next sunken gardens show…

“sean, would you like a filet mignon?” “love one”, i replied. “baked potato as well?” “sure”, i responded. “and salad? we’ve got ranch, thousand island, and italian three cheese…” “way ahead of you man”, i said, gesturing toward my salad, “and the italian three cheese dressing kicks ASS!!!” “yeah, that’s my favorite”, the chef said with a smile as he turned towards the grill to throw on my bacon-wrapped filet.

not an odd scene. not an uncommon occurrence. unless you factor in two bits of information..

1. it was not at a restaurant, but rather in the PARKING LOT of sunken gardens amphitheater in san antonio, texas…

and…

2. it was at about 1:00 in the morning on a monday…

DAMN, i love my job…

sunday was the 99.5 KISS krawfish fest, and i saw a LOT more of san antonio and it’s people than i really wanted to see (and not NEARLY enough of some of it’s people that i wanted to see, but given the fact that shane and i sold over 2,500 tickets at the door, it was probably for the best that none of the sa folk who said they were gonna call or stop by or whatever did, ’cause i couldn’t have been very social)

bad tattoos, and good tattoos (and LOTS of compliments on my tattoos..it was hot, the sleeveless shirts HAD to be in effect), and big girls in halter tops, and hot strippers in less, and an oakley bag busting with cash, and hurling canned food into the woods, and jonesing for quarters, and craw-fish, and catfish, and josh from union getting covered in whipped cream, and me slicing limes into two dozen coronas in the middle of the night….

PLUS….

the KISS crew, and bill & meagan (my FAVORITE promoters), and ugly, scary girls hopped up on X pawing at strangers while making suggestive tongue gestures at shane (he’ll NEVER live that down), and more beer, and pissed off customers getting jumped by park rangers, and EVERY concert etiquette rule being broken, and piss-pore catering (jack in the box? what the fuck?), and pyro, and pepsi (LOTS of pepsi), and you can TELL there’s more to this, but it ain’t being told now…i need a shower, and a bed, and luckily my house has both…look for part two when i crawl off my face…

Sunday, April 28, 2002

now, both my arms looks nice and colorful for my hell day tomorrow working my ASS off at the 99.5 KISS krawfish fest; which is why tonight’s entry will be a bit brief…

2023 note – krawfish fest WAS a motherfucker, with us having to do math in our head after we ran out of change, shane and i sold over 2,500 tickets, and balanced to the penny.

okay, so yesterday i contacted kramer about some slight modifications on the header to this page, and he TOTALLY re-did it. personally, i think he did a fabulous job (i CAN say “fabulous” and still remain straight in my reader’s eyes, can’t i?). then he told me where he went for lunch…
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okay, so spring break has come and gone; and we’ve had a hot day or two (okay, not by texas standards, but we’ve had a WARM day or two) the bottom line is, at some point you’ve shed the winter layers and seen what your body REALLY looks like; and you have realized that the last time the phrase “work out” came out of your mouth was new years eve when you said, “this year i’ve got to work out”. well, much like everything associated with the first day of the year, you put it out of your mind. like all your other resolutions. or that promise you made to your toilet that you’d NEVER drink like that again. or that person you woke up next to…remember that? well, consider yourself lucky, most likely…
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okay, so anybody who reads this slop, or has talked to me for more than five minutes at a stretch, has figured out that i have a pretty twisted sense of humor. i mean i AM funny, don’t get me wrong; and i can keep people amused because i can bounce between the most low-brow, make a teamster blush (i actually HAVE accomplished that feat before) kinda humor to more intellectual, what has been described as “dennis-miller-esque” humor in a five minute period (by the way, my DM humor comes without his little head shake…can’t steal trademarks, ya know). but i had NO idea my imagination had such a twisted sense of humor…

last week i had a “ten tips” list on deck for working out. then some issues with those close to me made me feel like the timing on such a piece would be in EXTREMELY poor taste, so i decided i would push it till the end of the weekend and do it on sunday. well, crown royal intervened that night, and the piece went undone. i started coming up with more on monday when i was in the gym, and decided to do TWO ten lists…one for guys, one for women. then i went to chemical brothers, which blew me away, so i decided to write on that.

so due to all THAT, i got very little sleep last night and i’m about to collapse. why am i still up? well, that’s where my imagination’s sense of humor kicks in….

after work, i cruised home for a bit, and ran to san marcos with my “sister” kathi to grub. over dinner, i commented to her (after scribbling the url for this page on two chalkboards in the men’s room) that it amazes me that i ALWAYS seem to come up with something to throw on here. how writer’s block never seems to hit me…

so as a result, tonight it did.

i worked it since i got back TRYING to make my gym piece come together to my satisfaction, but it was to no avail. it’ll happen eventually, but because i SAID that was the least of my problems, it happened. fine…two can play at this game…

you know what amazes me? no matter what i do, i NEVER seem to win the lottery. every time i play. buy a ticket, it’s just like throwing the money away. and i NEVER get laid. not nightly. and never, ever, EVER by hot latinas nightly.

okay imagination curse, play with THAT for a while.

to combat it tonight, i decided to spike the ball and write a piece on writer’s block. the gym bit will follow eventually. until then i’ll just NEVER win the lotto and NEVER having mind-numbing sex with beautiful, petite, busty latinas….

Replies: 1 Comment

this has nothing to do with anything you’re writing about but i like the new header design.

josh said @ 04/25/2002 03:41 AM GMT