okay, so “painting day” didn’t quite live up to it’s name. YES, painting got done. it did. really. but let’s look at how, or more accurately WHEN painting day ended. let’s put it this way; it’s 2:30 am (on monday; only five and a half hours before i have to leave for work, and i haven’t slept yet) , and i JUST emptied the ashtray with the butts of benita’s visit earlier, which ended at 7:00 (right after the season finale for the simpsons, which we were both a bit disappointed with) and right before my somewhat ill-fated trip to the alamo city.
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okay, so i FINALLY had a decent girl show experience last night; don’t get me wrong, the others haven’t been BAD, per say; just not as good as last night; first off, un-like no doubt, the crowd did not make me feel prematurely geriatric; which is always a good thing with the ol’ 3-1 approaching in exactly one month (that’s right, kids – only 30 more shopping days till my birthday).
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“i’m thoroughly enjoying myself; but don’t worry, you’re not alone…there’s not a SINGLE guy who’s here, and HAPPY he’s here.”
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life is all about balance. light and dark. yin and yang. happiness and sadness. and my life lately is NO exception. in fact, it’s more the textbook definition there of. this week, for example…monday, wednesday, friday is all about working out with weights and cardio. tuesday-thursday is all about eating crap, smoking cigars, and drinking heavily (probably do a bit of that last one on friday, since i DID skip thursday as far as that was concerned, unfortunately). and through it all, thank the fates, i’m STILL losing weight. without sunlight, there is no shadow, i suppose….
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so, here’s the scenario…it’s 8:02am on hump-day (the most sarcastically named day of my week lately, much to my dismay) and i am WAY stoned. thoughts are hurtling through my head like stage-bound beer bottles from my hand at a creed show. later on in the day i’ll be wading through sorority girls and strippers and jason bagwell’s little brother and his friends and my boss and a few thousand others all satisfying their hip, cool, inner-redneck at the dwight yoakum show, or i’ll be nuking up leftover pizza with josh before he skates off to new york for the weekend, or i’ll be leg pressing a quarter-ton a dozen times or so…but for now, i’m just trying to grab as many of these thoughts and feelings and images as i can while still answering a few questions correctly.
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wow….today i did something i never thought i would do. when i was at the gym, i ruptured something. i didn’t realize it when it happened, and couldn’t tell you an exact time when it occurred; but now, several hours after i walked out of gold’s gym (still having to concentrate on the name; i JOINED world gym, and have worked out there for the last two years; but they all got bought out by gold’s a couple of weeks ago) i can feel it. that indistinguishable difference….

the funk bubble that i’ve been trapped inside got a fucking hole kicked in it, and i walked out…at some point during my two hour chest/back/shoulders/cardio excursion. DAMN, it feels good.

(note to self: throwing your whole system into a chemical tail-spin via diet pills, sleeping like ass, AND listening to the cure a lot does NOT burst the funk bubble)

i knew the funk bubble had really wrapped me up tight when i couldn’t even put on the happy face for the person i LOVE to make smile; even over the phone it was blatantly apparent. and that was when i felt it REALLY needed to go. and go it did. the proof is laying on my coffee table.

understand, that in the three or four months (has it been THAT long?) that i’ve been writing this astrowhore stuff, there’s only been maybe a half a dozen pieces i’ve written where i actually read them the next day and think, “damn, that shit’s funny”.

and with my art work, it’s even rarer.

there are only actually three times in recent memory. and one and a half are inked on me – the tribal sun i did for my sister, but she had it HEAVILY modified before it was done on her, so i got the original on me. the other was a little, somewhat dainty tribal cross i drew as a mom memorial, but it was WAY too small for where i wanted it (around my bellybutton), so i blew it up on a copy machine, which further emphasized it’s daintiness, so i added a bit to it, and got it done.

once it healed, i STILL thought it looked a bit incomplete, so i rushed out a second part of it, had it done, and once all was healed looked at it and thought, “shit…that looks rushed as hell” never could do anything to it i liked, so i never got the third and final part drawn up. i started yesterday, planning on it being a two week project; one that would start on motherless day and wrap up just in time to get it done on may 24th, which would have been my grandmother’s ninety-fifth birthday.

but after the burst of the funk bubble earlier, and the perfect low-fat, low-carb dinner (a 16 ounce fat-free chocolate milk and an excalibur iii), i settled down at my coffee table and BAM, did it in two hours. and it looks REALLY good. i don’t know if i can wait two weeks; but i’m gonna try.

so the tribal sun would be one, the original cross (and the unfortunately rushed addition) i count as a half, and the other half is finished with the complete one that resides on my coffee table. as for the third, it is permanently inked on the lower back of someone VERY special to me; who chose NOT to have her custom design (a blend of wiccan and pagan symbols combined with my tribal/celtic stuff) re-tooled as my sister did, but instead had it done exactly as it was drawn…which made the fact she would put something i drew on the base of her spine for the rest of her life (and just north of a rather nice ass, i might add) all the more special.

just for that, i think she’ll probably be the only one to see the final cross drawing (kathi popped by earlier slightly drunk, and saw it about 99% complete) before it hits harold’s hands so the stencil can be drawn…even if she will only get to see it via fax for now. but that’s how she saw hers for the first time, and freaked…so this one might just blow her away.

so, here’s the deal…for some reason this year, above all other years, the whole “mom” thing, and all associated thoughts, feelings, and dates, has hit me more than ever. i know not why. it just HAS. which kinda made me cringe when i thought of mother’s day and what i was DAMN sure was impending emotional distress, especially since her mom (my grandma, for those who can’t figure out basic genealogy) went to go spend this mother’s day (and everyone thereafter) with her in that big momma’s lounge in the sky. i’ve always been told to look on the bright side of things (especially from the two women honored yet absent from this year’s festivities) and the only bright side i could think of was, “well, at least this year i only have to call ONE person???” (the “???” denoting, of course, that i wasn’t 100% sure this was a positive thing; but hey, at least i’m trying)

i also had said that this year i would be getting blind-ass drunk since i felt i had the right to. well, as luck would have it, the clock struck midnight to start mother’s day, and i was not sober. i was also not blind-ass drunk. just somewhere in the middle, and to be honest, closer to the sober line. what i call “happily buzzed” and pink floyd calls “comfortably numb”; except their version was off a LOT harder stuff then skyy blue, the vodka themed malt beverage i downed in reasonable quantity last night, which i DO recommend if you like the smirnoff ice / hard lemonade kinda stuff…it’s not as throat-clenchingly tart, not as sweet, but just as, if not more, potent than the others. thumbs up. especially if you buy it by the bucket, which i did. but since i was NOT at home, but rather on some sandy picnic area off nakoma and west, just a belch and a holler from 281 and the airport in SA, i didn’t cross out of happy-buzz land (the neighbor to “horny-buzz” land and a few doors down from “more obnoxious than a former child star at a las vegas strip club when they try and cut off his tab” land). so, we were all good for the trip home, a catch-up viewing of last week’s simpsons, and some late night wal-marting (still buzzed – always fun to carry 40 lb bags of iams dog food when balance is starting to be a bit of an issue since at this point it’s 3:00am on sunday and you’ve been up since 8:45 saturday – and as you’ll recall, had taken the “bucket challenge” on skyy blue just a few hours earlier). but, i digress….

so, on my way to olive garden for the motherless day’s celebration with my sister, my uncle, and his “friend” i decided to call nana, i.e. my other grandmother (like none of you have odd pet names for your grandparents…shut the fuck up) so i call, wish her a happy mother’s day, and ask how her morning’s been. out of her end of the phone, i hear, kinda slurred, “oh, it’s been lovely….they had a HUGE luncheon here (she’s in a retirement community), and a bunch of my friends came out, and i had too much food and WAY too much champagne; so i’m gonna go to sleep now…i love you…good-bye” i said i loved her, too, got out “good” and HALF of “bye” and heard the click.

nap time for nana. keep in mind, in almost thirty-one years of existence i’ve NEVER heard my prim, proper grandmother even REMOTELY intoxicated, so this kinda made my day. i had decided NOT too get “pass the fuck out” drunk, so nana picked up the torch without even meaning to. THAT’S family bonding.

and more than just a bit amusing.

yesterday was my only day off in the past thirty-five (yes, 35) days (i worked a bit today, too). i’ve spent the bulk of the weekend cleaning and laundering and such so i can get back to fucking PAINTING this place, since my birthday is about six weeks from now, i plan on having people over, and i want all the interior work DONE by then. but tonight, i think i’m gonna sit down, and FINALLY finish out the mom memorial cross tattoo that’s about 65% done on my stomach (i’ll be drawing on the paper of course, not me) and i’ve already scheduled for it to all be finished up on friday, may 24th, which would have been my grandmother’s 95th birthday, so that way it kind of becomes a dual tribute between my mom AND her mom. and that will be all the ink work for the summer, so i can actually go swimming this year; and tubing; and maybe hit schlitterbahn if i can get some folks together for that. anyone interested?

“ya’ see,…” i begin my rant, fueled by one too many of the neon blue concoctions known as saba island teas, post no doubt set-up, and post all-day SA excursion (more on that in a bit), “some white boys, no matter HOW old (he looked to be in his 50’s), just need a beer bottle to the back of their skulls after beer number three; THAT must be what the sign was about at the door…”
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so, i watched the piece on exercise addiction, and couldn’t believe what i saw….there was a “doctor” who said there were three signs of exercise addiction. three MAIN ones. are you ready for this?
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okay, so for all who emailed, and voice mailed, and called (’bout damn time you called!!! sorry…that just slipped out…did i mention i’ll be in SA most of thursday?), YES the ‘whore was “on it’s back” for most of the day wednesday, ocho de mayo. the comments were a mix of, “this sucks…i have nothing new to read at work” to, “honey..are you okay?”
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