script follow up

i have some of my best ideas when i’ve been drinking…

…and some of them are simply elegant in the simplicity.

so, the gummies i’d discussed came in yesterday. so far i still hurt and my pee ain’t blue, but never mind that now. the package said to take one to four, with each being 5mg, and since ME is trying this currently in capsule form, i asked her what her dosage was, and it was 20mg, so i’ll take four and we’ll see where this goes.

since i knew the product was here, i went ahead and replied to the shipping email, asking why the “Manage Subscription” page was blank, and how i would go about doing so. they got back surprisingly quick, saying they’d “look into it”, which i figured was an auto-reply and was as far as it would go.

not the case – got an email soon after from “angelo”, who explained to me that there was a problem on the site but that i, actually, didn’t have “a subscription”. he went on to explain that “a subscription” means they auto-ship product if you don’t do anything, and then charge your card. that wasn’t my situation – i had “a membership”, which meant while that in addition to all the wonderful benefits of “membership” (access to products “sold out” on the website, free shipping with no minimums, first dibs on new stuff, etc, etc) i would be billed $49.99 monthly, with the first one coming up next week, AND THEY WOULDN’T SHIP ANYTHING. that’s right – all the pay, but none of the product. so i didn’t have to worry about my mailbox, or my bank account, overflowing thanks to them!

ain’t that sweet?

(i just realized i’m slowly working through the list from this bit…)

so i clicked the link at the bottom of angelo’s email that showed where i could cancel my membership. after a weird intro, and having to get a verification code, i finally got to the screen where i could cancel, and they made the same offer angelo did in his email – if $49.99 was too much, he’d lock me in at $19.99. once i did cancel, they came back with a reactivation offer of $14.99 a month if i acted right now. all i did was screenshot the screen for my records, where they finally owned what this fucking was…