when your ballz are full of booze

i swear it had to be over ten years ago i saw these fucking things for the first time…

…and had no idea they woulda lasted this long.

i saw them at the 7-11 over near our mlk atomic, and i cleaned that one out so we could close it back in the spring of 2015, so it’s been at least that long. i remember marveling at the tiny size and the high octane (15% abv) and wondering how that was allowed to be sold in a convenience store (texas has some weird but strict booze laws because…ya know…jesus). my guess is you can never go wrong with syrupy sweet strong ass booze with the college crowd. it’s how daddy’s little girl ends up with a “come and take it” tramp stamp tattoo by sophomore year, right?

moving on…in addition to the handheld small fuckers i’ve seen volleyball sized versions at the liquor store, appropriately titled…

these also, for quite some time, had their own billboard on i-35 and 183 in austin. and now they’ve gone beyond fruity and tropical and such to bring you the new breakfast of champions…

at only four bucks each how can you go wrong? when you’re my age and drinking experience, you can think of many, many, MANY ways this could go sideways…and fast. i might have to try one just to see what all the hype is about…i mean, they have to have lasted over a decade for a reason, right? maybe they’re not all bad? if i get ballzy / stupid enough to give one a shot i’ll post something in the comments…