pup panic

this is one of those wonderful bits where i’m basically venting because i’m stressed and i just need to work through it…

…which some would argue is the purpose of this site in general but never mind that now.

budnik continues to have issues upon issues, the latest of which (i believe) stem from him having to lay around so much due to the arthritis. now one of his front legs, which had a preexisting shoulder issue, is going stiff because he lays on said shoulder so much (hence the issue) that i believe it’s pinching a nerve and causing him to not be able to put weight on it.

the problem is, “the spot”, as we call it, (weird bad skin issue in the webbing between his back leg and his abdomen) has been growing. my theory on THAT is because we haven’t been bandaging it nearly as much once we got the all clear about all that gauze i’d previously mentioned him chowing down on. he has, however, eaten ONE gauze pad in the six weeks since he first went to the vet (versus FIVE in the six weeks prior). so now it’s getting bigger (which can’t be good) and effecting the way he can lay, so he’s putting more weight on the sore shoulder and causing it to hurt worse.

at his age i don’t consider surgery an option because i’m afraid of putting him under and him not waking back up.

it just seems like he’s aged eight years in the last eight weeks and it’s not slowing. ever since puck left us he’s been declining, and we’re on the final round of pain med ideas which typically work but the last couple of days he still seems to be ailing, which when he is he makes a whimper noise that burrows into my skull more than nails on a chalkboard times dental drill whine. it just shreds at my soul. and it’s non-stop for hours at a time.

it’s an emotionally painful time for me, more physical for him, i believe.

(so i started this on tuesday, mainly because of some really loud yelps he let out when i moved his front leg that morning, but decided to push it off a few days to see what developed, so everything below this was added in on friday)

so now it’s march 1st. we went to bed last night really peacefully as he spent the bulk of the evening curled up on the couch with me (my thigh was his pillow). we went back around eleven but he made me get back up to take him out to pee. he then crashed from around midnight to just around 5am, when the whimpering started and wouldn’t really let up for almost two and a half to three hours. if i cuddled with him it stopped, but if i got back off the floor and tried to crawl into bed it started back up again. then he got to where he’d get quiet, but if i tried to roll over or turn off the light so i could get some more sleep, he’d start back up again. i’d swear he’s fucking with me, but i think he’s having some allergy issues (on top of everything else) as he’s developed some eye discharge now as well. i think we both nodded back off for around forty-five minutes and that was all she wrote. i’ve pretty much been up since. i guess we’ll see what this warmer weather brings?