tool time (a throwback not about a 90’s sitcom)

i always MEANT to buy me some davidoff cool water cologne back when…

…never did, and i’m probably a better man for it. i liked the smell, and it was from a company that also has a cigar branch, so that was a draw, but never mind that now. today’s twenty-year-old, never before re-run bit, including the original comments:

04/01/2002: “you want pliers with that?”

so, last night, my “sister” kathi and i decided to go out to dinner to seal closed another weekend; we were gonna go to grin’s, but passed joe’s crab shack on the way, decided that sounded better, and cruised in there. after the appetizers, and a couple of drinks, we got our main courses. i ordered the “grilled sampler”, or something to that effect, which had salmon (my favorite fish EVER), shrimp (which i can honestly take or leave, and about split this order down the middle), and crab.

i had never had crab. remember how i went off on kramer for eating craw-fish because they LOOK like what they are? same should apply to crab, except on this i yielded to peer pressure and tried it. always beware of shellfish that come with TOOLS. i mean, a knife, a fork, a spoon…all implements i’m well acquainted with at the dinner table. hell, even chop sticks (which i have since found out are NOT supposed to be used like wooden, “one-pronged” forks) are do-able. but the tool that comes with crab looks like it should say “craftsman” on the side of it. to be honest, i’m not sure that it didn’t.

so, you break ’em off at the joints, crack the shell with the pliers, separate the tendon from the meat with this little girly-ass fork, and then eat the meat. TOO much motherfuckin’ work. i could KILL and COOK something and put forth less effort. i ended up giving about half of it to kathi to finish up, and moved on with my meal. folks, my attitude towards eating out is the same as my attitude towards driving. the less effort, the better. that’s why i prefer automatic transmissions. just highlight the little “D” and GO. don’t get me wrong; i LOVE to cook. and i can do so. well. but i don’t need to work up a sweat just trying to crack open shellfish. i swear, if it had been ME on that island, my volleyball would have been one lonely son of a bitch…’cause i would have left a LOT earlier if it was do this or starve…

Replies: 2 Comments

of course shrimp are like the cockroaches of the sea… and the crabs are the little scavengers… sean, i didn’t want to tell you last night, because i thought that you would make evil comments about my dinner throughout, and i just WASN’T up for that – even after the chardonnay. bitch as though he might, though, gang, i have to tell you that he really was a trooper, and did a pretty good job – didn’t even waste too much of the meat. i was so proud…

kathi said @ 04/01/2002 06:47 PM GMT

you do know that shrimp are like the cockroaches of the ocean?

seafood lover said @ 04/01/2002 06:23 PM GMT

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