a bit about jerkin’ before i’m workin’

it amazes me some of the scam emails you get these days…

…and the ufc tells me this one was one for the more convincing when i read it to her.

and it reads…

(my comments in bold)

Hola Michael Sean. It’s nice we’re so formal. U know that masturbation is a real bad habit? the scientific community, the psychological community, and my entire adolescence would vehemently disagree. read through the msg completely! well first it sounded personal, now it sounds like porn spam, so let’s see where this goes… Nasty video of you masturbating was shot using ur webcam. I am certain that ur closest people are going to be stunned by it! they probably wouldn’t, honestly, but seeing as how it never happens with me fully exposed, my notebook is never open where the camera would work, my phone is never set facing me, i don’t know WHO you filmed but it wasn’t me. My program has also entrance to ur social networking web-sites and contact details from ur mail (all of them are copied). i can’t remember the last time i emailed any of my friends and honestly could only rattle off two of your email addresses, so don’t start combing through your spam folders just yet. I am a foreign citizen so it is not worth wasting your time ask law-enforcement authorities, it’s useless. You transfer reward for my silence and I will eliminate all your jaw-dropping vids. foreign? really? but your english is so flawless! lol! The moment when you read the msg there are only 48 h remained for payment, I’ll be notified that you opened the text! If u don’t satisfy my requirements I will kill out your public image in front of your relatives, in 96 h all ur compromising info will be sent to your enquiries and ur social networks. oh heaven’s to betsy – not my public image! in front of my enquiries? whatever the fuck that means? You can implore me but ur texts will not be opened for the email is hacked and soon the access to it will be denied. fun stuff. so YOUR email is hacked? am i supposed to pay that loser too?

so it says my world ends ninety-six hours after i open it unless i pay, and then there was some weird attachment that, needless to say, i didn’t open. i sat on this email for seven days to do the bit because…well…i knew it was bullshit.

not that i don’t jerk off, you understand – we all do. any married guy who says he doesn’t is either dead below the waist of lying. but if you pay this kinda stupidity you get what you deserve.