keep on rollin’ (a throwback)

given my current situation, this is pretty damn funny…

05/06/2002: “and, i’m back…”

so, the other night after hitting a bar with josh in order to “cushion” out our week’s events properly, and a brief radio show stint (sneeze and you would have missed most of my air time, but hey – it wasn’t even my show), james, josh, and myself found ourselves at sugar’s for the big plate o’ nachos and other tasty temptations that’s don’t come on a plate covered in cheese no matter HOW much you tip.

one of the, “yes, these ARE real” lovelies that joined us during our evening was a mutual friend of both james and i who’s real name DOESN’T escape me but who’s stage name does so we won’t mention either here. she was going off on some of the arrogant pricks (at a strip club? NO!!!) that she’d had to deal with throughout the night and how one had tried to convince her to go home with him by telling her that he drove a ferrari. to which she replied, “so you must be gay”.

NOT what he was expecting. he repeated, “NO, i drive a FERRARI”.

so SHE repeated, “THEREFORE, you must be GAY. most women will see a ferrari and think, ‘wow..pretty car’. but they don’t know it’s a ferrari. hell, they may have heard of a ferrari, but they’ve probably never seen one. most guys who drive a ferrari do so to impress other guys; and if you’re trying to impress other guys, you must be gay.” interesting logic. makes me wonder about a lot of the guys in the gym who show off for each other; until i remembered what gym i normally hit and KNEW the truth on that one.

but it got me to thinking. what does what we drive say about us?

i drive a malibu, which could mean a couple of things….”the impala was too big”….or, “the taurus was too geeky”. but in my case, it just means, “i couldn’t afford the maxima at that point and time”.

but i know a couple others who’s cars fit them to a “t”, but mainly because they’re women. i think it varies per gender.

one woman who’s very close to me (though not as close as i’d like) has one that is basically her on wheels…small, sporty, cute; and enticing, sexy curves no matter what angle your viewpoint is. plus, when the top goes away, the REAL fun can kick in.

like latina, like miata.

another one drives a mustang convertible. classic, yet rebellious, and kinda all-american at the same time. plus, when the top goes away? well, she’s like family to me so don’t NONE of y’all need to be thinking about that.

but would the same apply if you’re a guy? i mean a GUY in a miata says one of three things to me…

1. out of college, so i ditched the mg; but i still can’t swing the z3, boxter, or s2000.

2. mid-life crisis kicked in after the divorce, wife has all the money, so i can’t get the mercedes kompressor.


3. all the jocks in high school were right and i like the cock after all.

and what about a camaro convertible? if you’re a guy, it lets people know that you’re probably the type to start a bar fight over who was the better singer for van halen, dave or sammy (did you hear they’re supposed to tour together this summer? i think all proceeds should go to their own charity: eddie’s kids. but i digress) if you’re a girl, it says, “hey…i grind my ass on your boyfriend’s crotch for money”.

or one of those new volkswagen beetles? if you’re a woman, it says, “i’m hip and fun, but still girly and can appreciate the classic things in life”. and if you’re a guy? most likely you fit numero tres on the miata list.

so, what do YOU drive? what do you think it says? i saw a geo metro this weekend done all in camo, with 85% of the top sawed off and both doors missing while on small tractor tires so it looked like a ghettoish, trailer parked, jeep-inspired hunting vehicle.

what does THAT say?

my family tree didn’t fork where it shoulda.

and if you don’t even OWN a car? well then, you’re either needing to work your budget a little better, or maybe you’re just a walking mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a hawaiian shirt and tevas.

Replies: 2 Comments

and you never said anything about people that ride bikes.

. said @ 05/09/2002 05:40 PM GMT

i don’t drive a car. i have a canoe.

natasha said @ 05/09/2002 02:41 AM GMT

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