make the noize with yo mouth, biz!

fun conversation from the possibly second to last juneteenth happy hour:

me – don’t be retarded (to random co-worker across the table)
JAB – dude, you can’t say that word
me – what word?
JAB – the “r word”
me – look, faggot, i can say “retarded” whenever the fuck i want and there’s nothing dis nigga *points at aforementioned coworker* or that cunt *points at random woman in restaurant* can do about it!

(it should be noted i was anything but mad, i just wanted to see if i could squeeze every “hot button offensive word of the moment” into one coherent sentence and i did – grammar goal achieved!)

i then went on to paraphrase i believe doug stanhope, who once said words are just sounds you make with your mouth – if people want to give them more power in their world than that then that’s there fucking choice.


any word can be offensive if you wanna split hairs and have the right convictions. it’s true. take the word “beautiful”. if you call somebody beautiful, a total nut-job christian should take offense because if you call somebody “beautiful” you’re implying that other people AREN’T, and since we’re all made in god’s image, and god is the ultimate in everything, than one person can’t truly be more beautiful than the other since we’re all made in god’s image, right?

see how easy that went sideways?

it’s like making fun of somebody’s weight now is called “fat shaming”. i’m sorry – since when did being unhealthily obese become a thing to be proud of? oh, it’s not? than let that shit go.

they’re just words, folks. as long as you use them correctly, you’re never gonna offend me – and by correctly, i mean grammatically correctly.

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