rednecks and rockstars (a throwback)

this, like the last one, hit a lot of the right buttons…

…even though it didn’t happen EXACTLY sixteen or seventeen or whatever many years ago.

it refers to a “fourth of july weekend”, which we basically have this weekend (outside of the ufc i don’t know many people off today going in tomorrow). it also has a fun story in it. and it hits a month that was yet to be in the archives. it should also be noted that i, like my wife, do actually go to work tomorrow after reorganizing my days off to suit the holiday week, and hopefully good money is to be made since it’s a holiday weekend!

(fingers crossed!)

sunshine state of education
by sean ~ July 9th, 2004. Filed under: Uncategorized.
i wanted to talk about my 4th of july weekend…

but we’ll get to that in a second. first, a note from my morning…

lately i have had NO energy in the morning. don’t get me wrong – i’ve never been a morning guy. unless it involves naked latinas i’m just not there. so lately i do caffeine in mass quantities via diet rock star – it’s like drinking three red bulls in one can with only 4 carbs.

if that doesn’t wake you up, you’re not breathing.

i know the price by heart…$2.14. normally no problems at the convenience store in the middle of nowhere where i get it. today was different. the exchange…

“that’ll be two fourteen…”

(i hand her a five and three nickels)

“okay, thank you. have a nice day. (turns to talk to co-worker after putting my money in the drawer) so, anyway, girl….”

“wait – i gave you a five and the change – you owe me three bucks”

“OH MY GAWD, you’re RIGHT!!! i’m sorry. (turns to co-worker again) hey, how do i open this?”

(her co-worker reaches over with a key and unlocks the register…the drawer opens up)

now, at this point, you would expect that she would pull out three singles, hand ‘em to me, and go on with her day. but no. she starts typing on the register. a lot. i begin to wonder if she’s sending email or something from the damn thing…

“what are you doing?”

“i’m just trying to get your receipt up so i can give you the right change”

“i just told you my change. i gave you five fifteen. it was two fourteen. you owe me three bucks. three oh one to be precise. it’s pretty simple math – we learned it in second grade. hell, i think you were in my class!!!”

(truth be told, she was, actually…)

“i just need to check this real quick to make sure i’m getting this right”

(at this point i turn to her co-worker, who i have figured out is the manager)

“do you folks drug test here?”

(at this point the manager begins to giggle uncontrollably and walks off. el confused one looks back up at me from the register)

“look”, i say slowly, “you have an advantage on me here…i’m trying to GET to work…you’re already AT work. don’t make me late. just give me my three fucking dollars so i can get out of here!”

and i finally got my change and got to leave. come on, folks, it’s not like i said i paid with a twenty or something. just goes to show that for a treasured few, high school WAS the peak of their existence. which is sad.

change of subject:

i’ve always wanted to go to miami.

it looks pretty in movies. it’s close enough to cuba to where you can be fairly sure the cuban cigars you find are genuine. it’s got mile of beaches with nice, nearly-naked scenery. and it’s CRAWLING with hot latinas. and we all know how much i dig latinas.

okay, so these days it’s one in particular. and she happens to be from miami. but i digress…

no wait, i don’t. ’cause that actually all comes to play in this.

while i’ve never BEEN to miami, i at least know what i’m getting there just going off the stuff that was new to her when she came to austin this past weekend. they apparently don’t have brisket. they don’t have enchiladas. i don’t know if i can hang with that. not on the long term at least.

think we can file it in the “nice place to visit but i wouldn’t want to live there” file.

never know if time (or actually going there) will change that, though…

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