missed it by that much (a flashback)

the element of surprise has been popular in everything from war plans to birthday parties…but damn it can be fun in conversation. have you ever tried it? just said some off remark mid conversation that makes the other person go on mental lock down for a second or two? that’s where some real fun can start; especially if you’re talking to boring people…

i don’t compliment myself too often, but i am probably one of the most quick witted people i know. i tend to use it for good instead of evil, but if you try and battle me verbally, you’re not gonna win. it’s just not gonna happen. and if i’m in a bad mood, i might even make you cry. but at the very least, you’re gonna end up more fucked than a nickel whore at a harley rally in south dakota.

so, since i hadn’t done a ten list in a while, here’s ten things you can randomly say in conversation to try and mess with the person you’re talking to. it’s a kind of conversational pause…it’ll stop their train of thought like a brahma on the tracks, and give you a chance to think of a line of attack…or a new point…or just run some mental porn to amuse yourself, in case conversation with them isn’t cutting it for you. plus, i needed a bit for today, and this was the best i could do…

1. so, do you still hate the jews?

2. is that rash you had…you know…”down there”…clearing up yet?

3. didn’t you used to do adult films?

4. let me hear your opinion on abortion…

5. do you ever feel, you know, NOT so fresh? (especially helpful when talking to a guy)

6. sometimes i like to sit around in my underwear and talk about death. is that so wrong?

7. can’t a man kill another man out of passion and not be thought of as a psycho?

8. do these shorts make my ass look big? (you women know this one TOO damn well)

9. you know what piercing really hurts?