a hof you could hassle

when i was in dell corporate sales (the most un-me job i’ve ever had that i acquired on a dinner bet with kramer and ended up rotting away in for a bit over half a decade) there were four questions you had to ask every business customer, on record, to close a call…

…and here they are, with the legit four answers i used to get from one of my clients:

who are the computers for? the whores

what are the computers for? looking at porn

where, city and state, will the computers be located? reno, nevada (and we’d say this together) “the biggest little city in the world!”

and finally, sir, what’s the business or industry involved? the oldest industry in the world, sean – prostitution!

the client in question was dennis hof, owner and proprietor of the bunny ranch brothel, which thanks to global notoriety via an hbo series grew to a chain of brothels. the pimp of the silver state, however, is now no longer with us

and that’s sad.

of course, because he was an older white guy who was known for fucking whores and porn stars and making a shit ton of money while doing so, he had recently won a republican primary.

no…i’m serious.

apparently the whole “conservative” thing with it’s “christian” angle likes to focus on the whole jesus/mary magdilan shit – now THAT’S some jesus teaching the GOP could get behind!

he passed shortly after a campaign rally that had everything from porn star ron jeremy playing him “happy birthday” on a harmonica and 90’s leftover heidi fleiss to that racist-ass sheriff that trump pardoned and a call in from fox news’ tucker carlson.

that’s right – ron jeremy and tucker carlson on the same bill. what other signs do you need the apocalypse is here?

while all my dennis dealings were done over a decade ago, i always found him to be funny, cool, and a bit charming – not “motherfucking charming”, but charming…although given the fact he was a glorified pimp, i guess the term at it’s most literal still fit him. it was no surprise the ufc was NOT into the idea of me popping in on a surprise visit last time we were out in vegas, so i never got to meet him in person; but he seemed like an alright guy. he will be missed.

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