the mile high club…i mean city (a flashback)

so, apparently i had a busy month fifteen years ago…

…cause there’s an entry dated the seventh (which we already flashed back to, i believe) and then this one:

01/14/2003: “the sack-shriveling chronicles, volume i”

i don’t know where i am. somewhere very, very high. no, that is NOT a drug reference (unfortunately). the sky line on the horizon is a flawless red/orange/purple stripe pattern like you usually only see on blankets and paintings and shit…

okay…according to the voice booming in my head, i’m 35,000 feet above amarillo…which looks much prettier from here than it does from, say, 45th and western actually IN amarillo…unless i just walked out of a margarita dinner at abuello’s…then it looks pretty fucking good.

i WAS gonna spend this time readin an article in the new blender about mariah carey’s breakdown in the typical “i’m richer than you’ll ever be, more popular than you could ever dream, and hotter than anything you’ll ever fuck” sort of vein. poor her. fuck mariah carey. and i’ve already proved her wrong on that last one…one time in a motel 6, no less. so she can chip a bonded tooth while she sucks my pierced cock.

that didn’t sound TOO bitter, did it?

i’m half way through airplane cocktail number two, and it’s well deserved (as was round one, a FREE jack daniels on the austin / dfw hopper ’cause the lady was to lazy to change a $20…this one has disappeared with my $20 (and just brought me my change as i was typing this sentence…now i don’t have to kill her. damn.)

the hectic morning was all my fault. refused to un-ass the bed in time on saturday to cash my check and mail off bills, so i had to do that this morning. got a case of the grey-day-blahs yesterday, so i did plenty of laundry, but no packing, so THAT had to be done this morning. and then once i had packed, and went to pay bills, copper had a field day with dad leaving the bedroom door open and proceeded to destroy my favorite koRn hat and drag out one of my oakley shoes. lord knows if THAT sustained any damage. since i had only run back home to get her to take her to the vet to be boarded (she goes nuts when i’m not around, and coupled with my “sister” kathi’s pitbull issues, it just had to be done) it looked smooth. i walked in the house, saw the evidence of partial destruction, and said, “that’s IT…i am SO done with you tearing up my shit!!! i slapped a leash on her collar as she tried to climb over the gate and hide behind calum and said, “kiss her good-bye for a while…maybe THIS will teach her not to destroy my shit!!!” and took her out of the house, and off to the vet for the week. NOW it looks like punishment. maybe this will work. if not, time to go to plan “c”…and “c” stands for “cage”.

then it was off to austin. after a brief errand downtown, i went to the office and hooked up some of our clients with the reports they’d been needing but i hadn’t really been around to do (at this point it should be noted that the lack of stuff on here has been a not-so-happy mixture of too much work, not enough living, and mild depression…but mainly the first one). okay, so HERE’S what i had been told…we fly out for denver at 3:30. not given any flight info (including that oh-so-important ‘what airline would be hauling my ass up there’ info) and that we needed to be at the airport around 1:30, which means leaving the office at 1:00. no problem…except i didn’t have the info on our trip AT ALL. justin did. and all of this was being floated on his amex with wire transfers from the office…which leaves me with only one question…

piña colada or wild cherry?

as in which scent of lube will the day use to take me prison style on this one? it was a wild cherry kinda day.

1:00…no justin
1:30…no justin
1:45…call from justin saying he should be in the office in about twenty minutes!?!?!
2:15…call from justin saying we should probably just meet at the airport
2:30…i leave the office, forgetting all our denver maps and such, and head off with HIS hotel confirmation info (mine’s long gone due to a laundry mishap) and our “flight info sheet” contains the following info…

sean – 23445235
justin – 9879678

that’s it. i had to call the damn phone number to see what airline picked up. then we get there and find out MY 3:30 flight actually leaves at 3:00…which with it being 3:02 when this revelation comes to light, is not good. but at least my flight had been booked…justin’s HADN’T. so we get that all sorted out, and away we went. now he’s asleep in the row behind me, and i decided to write you good folks rather than read about poor ms. carey’s problems. and give you a six pack of things you DON’T wanna see pull up by your plane on the tarmac pre-flight as you wait at the gate to taxi:

1. a prison transport caravan
2. a guy with a REALLY big tool box who’s signaling toward the cockpit with that “hold up just a sec” gesture.
3. a cattle trailer (unless it’s a long flight and this guarantees you REALLY fresh steaks)
4. rosie o’donnel’s limo
5. your pilot stumbling out of the airport shuttle bus from shady grove rehabilitation clinic
6. okay, so sue me, i’m now in the ramada in downtown denver, and i can’t come up with number six.

but here are some numbers i DO like…when i landed at the airport, it was 8:00 in texas, and 7:00 in denver. at my house it was 38 degrees…but at the denver airport, it was 47 degrees…and there’s a joint down the road from here that has a 12.99 steak and enchilada combo. now THAT’S good eatin’…

Replies: 3 Comments

i’ll keep that in mind…duct tape..bailing wire…maybe i should stay inn colorado a bit longer…

sean (now more scared than ever) said @ 01/15/2003 02:19 AM CST

damn it now i’m pissed off krista sound like she was on my hangover trip from hell new orleans home when the air waitress walked down the isle with you guessed it duct tape. i was hoping that i was the only one that happened to. kinda makes you wonder if you could take over one of those thing with a zip tie. sean don’t forget to pick up some bailing wire at the aircraft repair shop in denver before you come home you just might need it.

JAB said @ 01/14/2003 01:26 PM CST

#6 (a very useful product under on the ground circumstances)
on a recent fly back across the pond, on a A1 first class carrier……i watched in amazement as the plane was held up for three guys to come on board and fix a few things…., loose compartment doors….plumbing leak in the cover …..etc…..and they each had their own roll of two inch wide duct tape….no shit….it was plastered up everywhere….whats that plane held together with and how much of it do they use that we don’t see?YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE AIRPORT MAINTENANCE WITH DUCT TAPE….EVEN I COULD DO THAT!(this trip i will put a emergency roll in my carry on in case the crew needs it…krista

krista said @ 01/14/2003 11:36 AM CST

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