O.G. – the original glancer

yes, i know “glancer” isn’t a word…

…but in this case it worked better than “reader” because “O.R.” doesn’t have as much pop.

i also toyed with the idea of calling this “all about ME” but nixed that for two reasons:

1. i’m pretty sure i’ve used that before
2. with wordpress putting all the titles in all caps it wouldn’t read the same because ‘ME’ wouldn’t stand out

so here we are…on ME day. won’t say what her odometer rolls to today. she’s half latina – that shit can get you cut. but i will do a nice lil’ sixer of MEmories in celebration of one of the magnificent seven being on this planet a year longer. some she may like me sharing in public, some she may not. but she’s tough, she can take it. not like i’m doing a roast of her…yet.

ah, MEmories…

it all started with salami pizza & coffee – i can’t remember how or why kramer ended up in san marcos, but i know ME & i used to meet there ’cause it was a happy medium between our separate homes. okay, so it was closer to mine – but a true medium was new braunfels, and back then there really wasn’t shit for bars or restaurants there (dramatically different now). anywho, the three of us started at valentino’s pizza on the square and then proceeded to the coffee pot (no longer there). it was there, in what is now the front sports bar portion of the taproom that kramer suggested i start writing on a url he owned but didn’t have time to keep up with, astrowhore.org. i only agreed to write for such a ludicrously named site because of ME’s pressure, partially due to her thinking i was funny but probably more to do with the fact some of her favorite internet authors were on hiatus and she needed some shit to read while manning the reception desk for the ceo of a frozen foods company. so to keep her entertained, i started doing this for shits and giggles…and fourteen years later here we are.

‘first forty-eight’ was a lot busier back then – since the great bovine sodomy of 2008 i pledged a new(ish) entry every forty-eight hours. i’ve kept that promise. but back then for all the world i thought i had only two readers (and probably did) – both of whom had been there for the pizza & coffee. this was also pre-text message…

(for all millennials out there, yes there was life before texting, social networking, and the internet – we just had to wait for your mom to mail us the nude pics back then)

…so when ME read a bit, but got bored a little while later, she would message me via yahoo instant messenger and tell me to write another one. it was our slow season at star tickets then, so i did. weekends would usually only produce one bit (much like they do now with the “every other day” thing) but some weekdays would have two or three, depending on my work schedule and ME’s mood. both equally unpredictable.

¿que es ‘siete magnifico’? – the magnificent seven, for newer readers, refers to the brass knuckle tattoos on my left arm, which all stand for the friends in my inner circle. to qualify we have to have been friends for over a decade, with no back stabbing, fights, or fall-outs for the whole decade. most folks don’t have more than one or two people that would meet that criteria – i’ve been lucky enough to have seven. so i guess “lucky seven” would be better, but i think vegas has that term copyrighted. ME’s the only woman who made the cut. that says something.

and now i’ll piss her off without calling her a ‘block head’ – moments after a breakfast conversation at ihop in san marcos, where i was threatened to be left there (my car was several miles away) due to my comment about women drivers scaring the shit out me, ME drove her miata OVER the parking block at the front of our space. the noise of the front of that car going over the block was the second nastiest car noise i’d hear that day – the first was the scrape of her following through abd then the back end going over. that car proceeded to run for YEARS after without issue, i’ll quickly add – probably fueled strictly by her spite to my comment.

the things i do for you peole – some people define their friendships by what people will do for them. ME is not such a person, but if she was i’d better be pretty high up on the list, because i went to a fucking CHER concert with her. she was all excited when she saw she was coming to san antonio, but it fell during a conference she had to go to in houston. “damn shame”, i said, “WE could have fun”, i said. then came a storm that ended up flooding houston. nine straight days of november rain (and i don’t mean the annoying guns n roses song). the business trip was called off, and i ended up row seven on the floor to see cher…pretty much the same spot i was sitting to see mötley crüe thirteen years later. i hate to admit it, but we did have fun.

my word is my bond – when we’d only been dating a few months i dragged the ufc to oklafuckinhoma city for my cousin’s wedding. i promised her i would never make her cross the red river again. she’d never been there before that, and i saw no reason for her to have to endure it again. and in a karmic twist, the girl that used to make fun of me for having to go to oklafuckinhoma on business ended up calling the place HOME soon there after. on the plus side, it’s tulsa, which is a lot more fun. on the minus side, it’s oklafuckinhoma. so ME & i don’t really see each other in person anymore, but this summer i’ll be doing the xxteenth bbq in either NOLA or vegas, so we’ll see if we can get a reunion of some sorts going…

…so happy ME day, everybody!

5 comments… add one
  • ME Jan 17, 2016 @ 7:28

    That was pretty good and true and sweet memories. Thank you.

  • sean M Jan 17, 2016 @ 13:16

    just “pretty good”?!? don’t know if i should be offended here, but it’s your birfmas so i’ll let it slide. 🙂 hope your day is special!

    • ME Mar 2, 2016 @ 23:10

      I just re read it and love you! The I you for having such sweet memories and sharing them with me. My mind issues cheese these days and it’s good to be reminded of those you love and those who love you and those you love even though you never met because they are loved by you Sean. ♥️

      • sean M Mar 8, 2016 @ 23:35

        i think that could quite possibly be the sweetest thing i ever read…

        that was not meant sarcastically, which i say because i know anybody reading this is hearing my voice in their head and thinking i meant it that way…

  • me Apr 30, 2016 @ 18:12

    I just re read this because I needed to smile today and I do love you and the wife(I don’t know if I should say her name here). I still enjoy your writing and he is right. It is much cheaper than therapy. I would know..

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