beatin’ ’em off with a stick, i am

it’s been a while since i got one of these bullshit emails, so i thought i’d share…

(my comments in italics)

mirianlove4 i guess “mirian4scam” was taken?
Jan 2 at 4:14am

Hi Dear

Compliments of the day!! who the fuck says that?!? google translate fucked them, i guess?
I am mirian by name
(again, i guess this is a google translate issue? what language’s greeting translates to this? clearly not an english speaker…) and i want us to be friends but i don’t know how you will feel about it,I hope you wouldn’t mind despite we don’t know each other before ? (again, you can tell some translate program is writing this…i might have to (once again) write back and offer my services.I’m sorry if i am embarrassing you just that A ‘Hello’ today can mean a friendship tomorrow because it’s the road to happiness, I saw your profile today on Facebook and became interested in you, Also i will send you my pictures once i receive your feedback and tell you more about myself yeah, honey – i’m sure the pics are ACTUALLY of the twenty-eight year old nigerian who’s writing this shit, not some google image or (worse yet) photos of some girl they got from some slavery ring out of the ukraine. wonder i why i didn’t get an email on facebook? especially considering this email was NOT the one attached to my facebook account…

My Best Regards,

and then there was no name signed

so here’s my reply…

Dear Sir:

Clearly you are not an English speaker. “Compliments of the day!!” is not a greeting used in any English speaking country, nor is “I am Miriam by name”. I will happily write your email in conversational English, with natural sounding slang terms, to where it sounds like a real American college chick wrote it. A small fee will be required (hey, nobody works for free, right?) but I can virtually guarantee you will see in increase in responses, which should only help your scam numbers, which I assume is the ultimate goal here. Do you have Paypal? I’d prefer to conduct business that way, because some bullshit wire transfer or my my bank account info was probably where you were trying to head with this any way, and I’m not that fucking retarded. Let me know – I’m pretty damn articulate and ooze motherfucking charm…that could get you PAID, son!


p.s. If you can’t read this, just drop it into whatever translator program you made the bullshit email you sent me with and it should break this down into whatever little ching chong or clik pop language your country uses under it’s current corrupt regime.

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