just get the right woman and be done with it

i had a flashback of job meetings past the other day…

…and it was nasty. literally.

take this back a decade and some change and i was one of the tech crew for star tickets, a small ticket company in austin, texas (think a smaller version of ticketmaster) and we had a marketing v.p. who was killing pc’s like nobody’s business. he ate through all we had as far as computers for staff was concerned in a matter of months so i had to give him one of the lesser powered ones we gave out to albertson’s for ticket sales.

what he didn’t know (and i didn’t think about at the time) was that he now had the monitoring software installed on his machine to where i could pull up his desktop at any given time, unannounced and unbeknownst to him, and see what he was looking at any time i wanted (i could also control his keyboard and mouse, but i never did that – which is important to note).

i noticed a trend – this guy like to browse his net porn. a LOT. at work. in the privacy of his office, so nobody else saw it, so who cares – except me, ’cause this was just when porn sites were starting to be the hotbed of trojans and worms and malware (oh my!) and that was what was killing his machines.

so i took screen shots.

i had a meeting after that machine died with him, our president (bob) and our owner (rest his soul – brad) to discuss “the computer problem”. i said i could sum up how to fix the issue in five simple words. they were intrigued and asked me to elaborate. i took a dry erase marker, and in two foot high letters, across a giant dry erase board, wrote the magic words:

WATCH YOUR PORN AT HOME

i then showed screen shots and browser history to prove my point. it should be noted i wasn’t laid off till two years after this so i don’t think it did me in.

the bottom line – don’t watch porn at work, watch it at home. and if you’re watching at work ’cause the little woman doesn’t like you watching it, but you REALLY like it that much, you need a new woman. just saying.

i always wondered what happened to richard (porn worshiper in question) but i think i found him – and he works for direct tv. why do i say that? ’cause there was an add on the other day that sounded for all the world like an old school “800-ass-slut” commercial but it was advertising that if you watch porn pay-per-view or order up the hustler network they won’t rat you out on your bill – it won’t show what it is.

since i’ll have a kid in the house in the next year that made me nervous – but we can block that shit, i suppose.

as far as blocking it from the ufc, i wouldn’t have to. one of the 11,142,012 reasons she rocks!