the slouch couch

let me vent about last week’s disappointment…

…well, the biggest part of it.

like, literally the biggest. it’s almost a hundred square feet kinda big.

my leather sectional. i have one now. it’s black. it’s, to put it mildly, in a state of disrepair. there are several seams ripped that have been redone with a mixture of black duct tape and gaffer tape (the latter for appearance as it’s not as glossy as the under layer and therefor blends a bit better). there are a few random tears in the leather (not on the seam) and the corner is caved in, seat cushion wise. almost all the way. that part is almost a foot lower than the rest of the couch.

needless to say, that’s my spot.

but as it was my spot, it became os’s spot when i’m not home, and lately he’s no small kid. and i’m no small guy. and because it smells like me it’s the spot all the dogs focus on when they can, too (hence the little rips). the ufc bought a seat cushion at ross or wherever and we set it on it to make up for the lack of cushion (and height) but it was no go. we even added a thick memory foam / bamboo stuffed pillow ON TOP of the cushion and it’s still just barely there.

it now fucks with my hip to sit in that spot. i’m on the downhill coast towards fifty and both my dad AND his mom had to have hip replacement surgery. i do NOT need a sofa throwing a false flag my way in that column. so it has to go.

the problem is scale. an L shaped single, left facing, in all leather is what’s required…but 99% of those are in excess of ten feet wide and we have less than a hundred inches, or about a foot and a half to two feet less than that in room. my current one only worked because i had them ditch the modular piece between the chaise and the loveseat. before that it was no go, but when i crawled around on the damn thing i discovered that was a separate piece, so i agreed to buy parts one and three but skip two (as they should have done with the star wars prequel trilogy, but never mind that now).

it was a perfect fit.

if you put in an L shaped sectional into the wayfair app you get a four figure list. drop to left hand facing and it’s still four digits. add on the leather requirement and you’re still in the several hundred. max your length at a hundred inches and you drop to below fifty. and you cap your price at $2,500 and you end up with three.

that app does have great filters, i’ll admit.

both the ones i zeroed in on were out of stock, saying they’d be back in august. that prompted me to take part of my “couch money” and play the market with my co-workers. so, of course, the damn thing came back in stock this week – but left hand facing? and brown leather? only two made it in…but i was able to grab one!

here was the problem – we have dogs. so i at least wanted to buy a protection plan for a few years…which put us over the available credit i had on a single card (i have several, but i’ve recently played the “zero percent on balance transfers” game with both of them and piled all the credit card debt on those two so i could pay them off interest free) so my solution was for us to buy a wayfair gift card so it would drop the overall due to below what that card has.

but for some reason an electronic gift card from them can take up to four hours to activate…so that kind of ended that because four hours later the gift card still wasn’t hot but the couch was, to the point of selling out those two.

so now, we wait…albeit impatiently.

it now says it restocks in september…but it said august before and appeared. between the gift card and the apple card i’m ready – now it just needs to restock one of the two brown ones, left hand facing, and we’re there. i even know how much the city will charge me to come get the old one within twenty-four hours. we’re set…c’mon restock!