jew bully (a flashback)

blame it on the booze last night. blame it on the poor amount of sleep. blame it on the impending birthday. (june 19th…shop early, shop often) DON’T blame it on mercury being retrograde, since that righted itself on june 7th (see, kramer, SOME of us listen to you). but the bottom line was, i woke up in a funk. and trying to work on the house DIDN’T help. while it was productive in it’s undertaking, it also meant being alone, thinking too much, etc, etc, and so i decided on my typical route to try and alleviate depression…

RETAIL THERAPY…..

ah, yeah….ain’t nothing like that plastic-card-swiping-prozac to kick what ails you, right? went all over hell’s half acre in san marcos and bought next to NOTHING. it wasn’t helping. still feeling funky (not meant in that james brown sort of way). then other feelings decided to enter into the funk mix. the feeling of being disturbed being one of them.

i was at target, looking around, and saw something on the sales rack that disturbed me…lucky charms boxers. yes, as in THOSE lucky charms…..the cereal, not your nuts. that’s some scary shit. understand that as a man who’s family came off the emerald isle many years ago, i’ve always cringed at lucky, the “mascot” for the children’s cereal….is it possible for an irish man to be MORE flamboyantly gay than that little fucking, marshmallow-hocking “irish” stereotype? and on top of that, you want me to put his big, gaping mouth near my genitalia? i felt violated just being near the rack.

there were also boxers with the trix rabbit and sunny, who goes coo-coo for cocoa puffs…two primo examples that the good marketing folks at general mills (i THINK that’s who makes those cereals) took some GOOD shit before coming up with their box designs. they can stay in the pantry, and out of my drawers.

don’t worry lucky…YOU can come out of the pantry ANYTIME and won’t a damn person be surprised. for crying out loud, you’re IRISH and start the list of marshmallows with the “pink hearts” instead of the “green clovers”. the signs have always been there, luck boy…don’t be ashamed to admit who you really are. come clean, and next tour i’ll take YOU to see the pet shop boys.

so, that was my planned piece. it was supposed to be over now. basically just a supplemental thang until the end of the cd contest tomorrow when i reveal the number, the winner, etc. but NO, vH1 had to step in. they’re playing the queen’s golden jubilee, a star-studded rock concert where everybody apparently gets to do ONE song. i was not cool with this, since ozzy WAS on the bill. then ozzy played. and i was TOTALLY cool with him only doing one song. allow me to explain…

ozzy comes out, and basically chases the stage mc off the stage. tony iomoi was there, so i, like so many, were thinking, “hell yeah, it’s ozzy/sabbath time”. sure enough, the opening notes of paranoid begin, and the crowd goes into a frenzy.

but here’s the problem.

see, it’s ozzy on vocals. and tony on guitar. but it was PHIL FUCKING COLLINS on drums. he was basically the session drum guy for this show, and while i LIKE phil collins (and will admit it), ozzy and phil on the same stage is just not something that’s meant to happen. and even MORE disturbing was the fact they kept cutting to shots of phil, then tony, then ozzy, then tony, then ozzy, then PHIL like he was the third, forgotten member of sabbath.

no. wrong. BAD.

phil collins and ozzy?

two things i like. you probably know which one i like MORE (hint – i don’t have an autographed phil collins jack-in-the-box staring down at me right now). but you know, i also like crown royal and chocolate milk…but i would never MIX the two, ya know??? so, my funky sunday had a very disturbing musical close…now, on to that cigar i discussed earlier…

Replies: 3 Comments

glad you finally went and picked that disc up… your collection wasn’t complete without it.

kathi said @ 06/11/2002 01:55 PM GMT

can beat it…yesterday, drove TO san marcos listening to “untouchables” from koRn (comes out tomorrow..don’t ask me questions) and drove BACK from san marcos listening to pop! – the greatest hits cd from erasure…

sean (i write this stuff….except the comments that come from other people, of course) said @ 06/10/2002 06:41 PM GMT

think that’s freaky? try jammin’ out to ozzy’s latest cd (down to earth) then following that up with Tom Petty’s Full Moon Fever. *shudder* does not work. trust me.