half off holidays

i coined the term used in the title on the way home tonight…

…and i think it fits.

we all know the “major holidays” (xmas, thanksgiving, easter, halloween, 4th of july) because we learned about them growing up. then there’s the “hallmark holidays” (father’s day, mother’s day, valentine’s day), the culturally drunken holidays (cinco de mayo, st. patrick’s day), then we know the newer ones once the nations started to recognize that not just white people were here (mlk day and juneteenth) and the ones we know exist but probably couldn’t even tell you the month on a dare (veteran’s day, flag day, arbor day).

but then there’s the holidays that seem to exist just for sales on furniture and mattresses and cars and shit – labor day, memorial day, and tomorrow – president’s day.

when i was a kid we had washington’s birthday and lincoln’s birthday and now they just combine em, and add in all the other idiots (and non-idiots) that have held the office and just call it president’s day. it’s a federal holiday, which just means the government recognizes it as a thing, but other than seeing that you can get a tempurpedic at a ridiculous price that’s slightly lower than their normal ridiculous price, what purpose does it serve? does anybody throw a president’s day bar-b-que? are you getting your chick a president’s day present?

fuck no – none of that is happening.

we know it’s a thing because we got emails from home depot and furniture stores and other places talking about their “low low president’s day pricing” and clicked on something. that’s it. it’s a clicker day, not a holiday. that being said, we do need a new mattress…

…and the day after? why, that’s national margarita day – which along with national sibling day, national doughnut day, and all the other national whatever the fuck days that we see thanks to social media, would kick off the category of social media holidays – they’re only existing now because becky from accounting has an excuse to get shitfaced on a tuesday or some such shit.