i used to travel more (a throwback)

friday brought a very valuable lesson…

if it ain’t never seen the sun, it don’t need to see the sun…

and more importantly –

those too big for a thong bikini will simply go to the nude beach and go without…

baby, no bullshit. the naked beach in miami was the destination on friday, and it was NOT as sexy as one might hope. it WAS exactly what i had been warned it would be…

fat folk, geriatrics, and gays…oh MY!!!

yep, if ever any of my male readers would be afraid to go to a naked beach for fear of public wood, there is plenty to look around at to keep your blood flowing AWAY from that area…now, when you get to oil up the unclothed notorious h.l.g., that comes in handy to avoid social embarrassment…

…but never mind that now.

certain parts of me got SPF 4, most of me got SPF 15, and a twice pierced region got SPF 50.

…only the SPF 50 went unburned. the rest got red as a lobster. except, oddly enough my head, neck, and face – that all stayed just peachy with just SPF 4. which meant to the naked eye, i was fine to hug, slap on the back, pat on the shoulder, whatever. but my visible wincing showed them otherwise pretty quick.

a six pack of naked beach lessons –

1. just ’cause it’s not red in the sun, doesn’t mean it won’t redden up nicely later. when i left, i was not sunburned…but by the time we got somewhere to buy some jeans for dinner that night, all that had dramatically changed.

2. spring for the umbrella rental – just trust me

3. don’t whip out your camera phone often, even if it’s just for h.l.g. portraits – other folk get skittish

4. you will be amazed at the type of people who are secure enough in their physique to go naked in public – and i don’t mean that in a good way

5. beware of snorkelers when you and yours go skinny dipping in the atlantic to cool off

6. pointing and laughing is bad. learn from my mistakes.

oh, yeah…a bonus that alex would kill me if i didn’t mention –

7. when you see the lady with the amazingly fake boobs and the amazingly masculine face, there’s a REASON the thong is still there. don’t question the lack of nudity – thank your lucky stars for it. it’s only at the fifty yard line of it’s run – the goal line has yet to be reached, and the goal post is still in tact if you know what i’m saying and i think you do…

that night we went to a nicaraugan restaurant in coconut grove that i had been warned had REALLY bad service, and they add in the gratuity up front because they know you won’t leave one given the quality of service you receive.

slice it any way you want, that’s fucked up.

why everyone insisted we go knowing this up front, i have no idea…but when in miami, do as the latin crew does…and it was good food. i learned several things, but here are the three that went with me:

a. the service wasn’t that bad…
b. if they’re sliced thin and fried, plantains taste just like potatoes, not bananas
c. in any language, filet migñon is damn overpriced.

thankfully the meal was preceded by the only link between my two florida excursions – 190 octanes from fat tuesdays. nothing like something that tastes like sunkist, but is loaded with everclear to make everything feel better, huh?

Replies: 5 Comments

that was not meant to sound as YODA-ish as it came out…

sean said @ 09/14/2004 09:44 AM CST

then a drink we must have…

sean said @ 09/14/2004 09:43 AM CST

Thar be Poundcake.

Harold said @ 09/12/2004 12:46 PM CST

the studio as in sharp things? how do i know you? refresh my memory here…

sean said @ 09/07/2004 08:51 AM CST

Dammit man I hope you read this. You need to come back to San Marcos I can drink legal and I remember you as being a cool mother fucker. Come back to the studio Ill buy you a beer :-p I need some good drinkin buddies (Ya This has nothing to do with this post :))

David Click said @ 09/06/2004 05:26 AM CST