that’s my story, and i’m stickin’ to it (a flashback)

i’ve always influenced those around me…

…and i don’t mean that to sound as egotistical as i KNOW it does. but it’s true.

anyone who talks to me on at least a semi-regular basis has told me that they find themselves talking like me. invoking certain “sean-isms” in their every day life. i find this to be a compliment. most of them say they find it “scary” and “mildly annoying”. but most of them still talk to me. so, cut the drama – the academy ain’t monitoring our calls and you’re NOT gonna get an oscar for it. so just talk like me and deal with it.

take junior, for example.

great guy. now a dad and living in houston studying to be a mechanic. when i met him, he was an artist. before any of you women get any romantic notions about the boy, allow me to point out two things:

1. his baby DOES have a mamma, and they’re still together, so he’s a wee bit taken.
2. his medium was not clay nor paint nor metal. it was cold cuts. and cheese. and six kinds of bread.

he worked at subway…but his shirt did say “sandwich artist”, so technically he was an artist, right? and he always wanted to work shows, so i got him a part time job with star tickets, and he did well. but he was a little TOO green a little TOO long so one time i referred to him as “junior”, as in, “listen closely, junior, and i’ll teach you a thing or two…”. after that everyone at star AND at subway, began to call him junior. a lot of his friends called him junior. it stuck. and it was meant as a term of endearment. even when he became a box office bad ass, we STILL called him junior. i was kinda glad when his kid was a girl, so we wouldn’t call an innocent child junior junior.

but never mind that now. it’s just good to know i occasionally leave my mark on popular culture. and i got to leave my mark again this past saturday night.

(and no – i don’t mean i peed on something in public. don’t get me wrong – i TOTALLY did, ’cause when nature calls, nature calls. but there were no cops around, so let’s gloss over that little t.m.i. tidbit and move on with the other story at hand…)

i was hanging out at sharp things, where most of you know i get my ink done. a guy came in with a custom tattoo request, which is far from unusual. he walked up, with three friends in tow (another guy and two girls) and asked me & chris if the shop did custom work. when we said yes, he got this grin on his face, pointed at his crotch, and said,

“i want a stick figure farting on a camp fire down here…”

(and yeah – he actually kept a straight face through this)

needless to say, we were practically speechless…which if you know me personally, you know is RARE. first off, we needed area verification – and with a little prodding, he corrected and said, “no, not on the frank OR the beans…” (i had made a something about mary inspired inquiry as to exact location of the tattoo) “…just down in the extremely lower abdominal area”. this i can relate to, since i have one down there myself…a two character kanji (asian) tattoo that translates to “pervert”. but his request still seemed a bit…well…goofy.

the stick figure part i got. he was about six foot even and looked like he weighed around a buck forty-five TOPS…and that is probably high balling it. and he was bald. so i understood the stick figure part. but farting on a camp fire? that part, to this day, is a mystery.

since there WERE two girls with him, i just had to know…and was quickly informed that no, neither were his girlfriend. and that stick boy HAD no girlfriend. but one of the girls quickly added in the comment, “hell, if i saw that on a guy, i would think it was funny.”

and that’s when the dam broke in my brain, the filter went away, and i had one of my moments where maybe, just maybe, i’m a little TOO honest and opinionated…’cause i said,

and to my surprise, all his friends, AND stick boy, lost it in a fit of hysterics. absolute mayhem. they went out to get food while they waited for kevin to get free to do it…and then later that night i heard stick boy on his mobile on THREE different occasions telling people where he was, what he was gonna get done, and then used my, “she’s laughing…” line to explain WHY.

and to think – when i was little my grandmother wanted me to read the book how to win friends and influence people. i told here i could sum up how i would do it in two words, not a whole book – “be myself”. looks like i might have been right…

Replies: 5 Comments

NEVER said I could spell ot type for that matter 🙂

ME said @ 07/28/2004 12:03 PM CST

at least i’m crack-free enough to SPELL the word “crack” properly…=)

sean said @ 07/28/2004 08:30 AM CST

No but you wrote about it and that’s Carck’ish enough

ME said @ 07/27/2004 09:20 PM CST

promise i’m not…need me to pee in something? c’mon now, darlin’…it’s not like I’M the one that got that tattoo…

sean said @ 07/26/2004 06:19 PM CST

You ARE on Crack, I knew it.
Too funny, wish i had been there for that one.