like the matrix up in here (a flashback)

so, i’ve decided to do something nobody else on the web is doing and talk about the new matrix movie…

(archivists take note…you have probably just read the most sarcastic thing i have ever, or possibly will ever, write)

but can you picture how many chat rooms have vacancy signs right now? i know “brb” is be right back, and “lol” is laughing out loud. what’s the symbol for the sound of chirping crickets?

i’ve seen it twice now in about fifteen hours. when i went to see anger management this weekend, i noticed that they were selling tickets for the “sneak preview” of the new matrix flick on wednesday at 10:00, so i bought a pair. then when i got to the office monday, i found out we were taking a departmental “field trip” to go see it thursday morning…so, i went to both.

last night was what i expected…long ass lines, people who had been waiting for hours, and a large percentage was people that knock my geek ratio in the dirt…and i was okay with that. then we got seated, and the true pain began. the tears began to fall. and i experienced an agony so intense that i could see through time. what caused it?

funk. and i don’t mean that in the james brown way.

i swear the guy in front of us took a pledge after the FIRST matrix movie came out that he wouldn’t shower until the NEXT matrix hit screens. and going off what i was smelling, he accomplished his mission. and only burned out about 78% of my nasal hair in the process. and i’m sure the eyebrows will grow back in time. it was rank enough to where i had an usher sit in my seat for less than five seconds and take two deep breaths. he instantly hopped up and went to find a manager to see what could be done about this, but it was to no avail. i even tried talking REALLY loudly about, “…how much it wreaked of ASS FUNK in there, and how i needed a breath of fresh air and this was SO not the place to get it due to the STENCH OF ROTTING FLESH…” etc, etc. no dice. leslie even came up with the idea of “accidentally” spilling the soda of the people next to us on him so that best case scenario he would move, and worst, would end up with at least a semi-bathing. and now, for the movie review…

JUST KIDDING.

i wouldn’t spoil it for anybody who wants to see it. all i’ll say is two things…

1. they could have picked a clearer place to segue from installments 2 and 3 (stay till the end of the credits and you can get a sneak peak at a trailer for matrix revolution, the 3rd one…but if you have to pee, you’re screwed, ’cause the credits take fifteen minutes at LEAST.

2. take someone that knows how to curse in french. just trust me.

now, as for the experience this morning…NO line, not too full, and no funk. MUCH better. plus, i got to see a trailer for quite possibly the stupidest movie i’ve seen in years. no wait, that was the trailer for legally blonde 2. the one i wanted to go off on was the new battle royale:

freddy vs. jason

yep, two horror titans that should have thrown in the sequel towel long ago are back, and they pissed off. at each other. why? is it about who has the cooler action figure? who mcfarlane spent more time on when it came to toy detailing? do we then have pinhead from hellraiser and mike meyers from halloween battle it out? will leather face officiate the finals? will some funeral home sponsor the whole thing? please….someone…make it stop!!!

well, at least with this summer’s sequel explosion (x men 2, matrix 2, charlie’s angels 2, terminator 3, american pie 3) i know which ones i WON’T be betting on to last the summer.

Replies: 4 Comments

you lucky fuck! i still got a damn ‘finding nemo’ trailer. tinseltown pflugerville sucks trailer-wise. oh, and a good symbol for crickets chirping could be “…”

topenga said @ 05/19/2003 03:54 PM CST

je suis vivant la vie de derangement!

A druunken harold said @ 05/16/2003 01:09 AM CST

I wish there were a way to edit these things…I leave dangling participles all over the place. The French is as follows.” Sh– maybe there is hope for you after all.” And watch the nerd references, I represent that.

the other redhead said @ 05/15/2003 03:51 PM CST

Thank you for the pop culture reference. I feel so much less pedestrian. Merd. Mais, peutetre nous sommes esperer pour vous, apres tout.