sniff it, don’t sweat it

i’m confused…

…as to how this is a thing.

saturday i worked. a lot. it didn’t seem like more than normal, but the sweat level was thanks to recent storms and humidity. at the end i felt gross. a friend needed some help, so i went to assist…partially because she’s an apartment dweller, which means a pool, and she used to sell dixon flannel shit, so she board shorts that fit me (i’ve borrowed them before) so i thought i could wash the sweat layer off…

…nope.

denied on a pool dip AND a rinse off shower. so i was stuck with eyelids that stuck to my face and no relief. bummer. i got home a few hours later and, upon walking in the bathroom, was reminded my lovely wife has a contingency plan for just such the emergency – in the form of both generic and arm & hammer wipes. i chose the latter because she didn’t like them (waste not, want not) and i get it – while, unlike her, i liked the “fresh scent” i didn’t like the fact they made me EVEN STICKIER. so i went to bed feeling even grosser when all was said and done.

do i sweat glue or some shit? how did cleaning wipes make me STICKIER?

well, it happened. nothing a thc-a vape and a few hours couldn’t sort out. all better now, i suppose. sunday (the day i’m writing this) i never touched a key fob or left the house. just got laundry done and grilled a bit (all after i washed my saturday stickiness away). so why the fuck do i sweat glue, now? i honestly thought with the weight loss (221.2 a year ago, 203.8 two days ago) i’d be sweating less in the heat, but i guess not? what the fuck?