i was just trying to help our new robot overlords, i swear!

i had an interesting run-in with one of austin’s autonomous jaguars yesterday…

…and i blame disney, or pixar, or whoever the fuck, for making me make the error because they have raised us to personify mechanical objects.

so i walk out of a shop in a bar district yesterday afternoon and there sits one of our solo jags…

but unlike all the others i’d seen which were silent and moving this one was parked…and talking. i kept hearing this female voice, but i didn’t know where it was coming from, and then i zeroed in on the jag and realized it was coming from inside the cabin and saying, “please close passenger door…please close passenger door…please…”

this is a serious design flaw.

for one, euro vehicles are really well sealed against noise. i know. i own one (or three). so the voice INSIDE the cabin is barely audible outside the cabin, despite the door being slightly ajar. for two, if said door IS ajar, said vehicle WILL NOT move, so the poor bugger is basically trapped there by the side of the road like a turtle on its back. so, again again thanks, pixney, i felt BAD FOR THE ROBOT CAR, walked up to it and literally said, “poor lil bugger, some gen z dick had no manners and left you trapped”, and i opend up the door, shut it (but didn’t slam it as to not be mean to my new “friend”), and even said, “there you go…all better!”, as i did it.

and it drove off. i felt like i’d helped “someone” in need, and walked back to the supply van.

right as i got settled, i saw a couple come out of a salon and the gentleman looked around puzzled, wondering where the autonomous taxi (that i now realized he basically “paused”) had gone. the woman looked frustrated as now she was salon fabulous with no ride on a hot, humid day. so they went to the bar next door, i assume to wait for another robot ride.

oops.