since there’s no perfectly aged twenty-one year (or even twenty year) old bit for today, let’s go back a measly fifteen years then…
your tips go jingle, jangle, jingle!
Author: sean M Published: October 5, 2008
how to know sean is lonely…
…i saw an ad the other day, put on by the government, and thought about lap dances and shot specials.
allow me to explain…
following in the footsteps of many of our european counterparts, the u.s. is now looking to replace dollar bills (folding money) with dollar coins. what’s next – dictators and a government that doesn’t care about the people it governs?
wait – too late to a degree on that.
they’re supposedly safer (?), cleaner (?!?), and better for the environment (that one i get). but they’re forgetting about the little guy (or girl) in this equation and i’d like to address them – the people that would be ill effected by the dollar coin movement:
6. homeless guys – he’s already got all his belongings, his dog, and his meth to tote – now his off ramp earnings get to go up exponentially in weight? why don’t you just shoot the guy?
5. great aunt sara – or whatever relative most people younger than me still have alive somewhere that remembers “WWII, the big one” or the depression – typically she’s only good for a couple singles in a birthday card ’cause to her that’s a lot of money. what does she do now? tape the coins in the card?
4. bus boys – you find work in the food industry five days after finding your way into the country, and now you get to jingle when you get tipped out to by the waitstaff? how are you supposed to look cool at the tejano bar making all that noise?
3. wait staff – you already have the bum shoulder and hunched back from all the heavy-ass trays, now you get to add five pounds of tips by the end of the night? what a way to earn your way through college now!
2. patrons – as in you and me when we go to a bar or restaurant. like it’s already not a pain in the ass when we buy a six dollar drink, pay with a twenty, and get fourteen singles back in their attempt to fucking guarantee you don’t forget to take care of them – now you get five pounds of change? by the end of a pub crawl you’ll be so weighed down you’ll be crawling in circles…
and the one you all KNEW would be number one…
1. strippers – thong + platforms = sexy. thong + platforms + fanny pack to hold a shit load of coins = FAR from sexy. and if you’re actually into that kind of thing, get off my page!
seriously, they had silver dollars, and they were a nice little novelty, but folding singles have too many advantages!!! screw the planet, crank some def leppard, and get some titties in your face at the main stage the way god intended!!!
and that’s one to grow on!