grief old enough to drink itself away (a flashback)

at over twenty-five years, mother’s day never “hits me” anymore, which is nice…

…so here’s a maternal flashback to when it did –

Sunday, May 12, 2002

ah, mother’s day

so, here’s the deal…for some reason this year, above all other years, the whole “mom” thing, and all associated thoughts, feelings, and dates, has hit me more than ever. i know not why. it just HAS. which kinda made me cringe when i thought of mother’s day and what i was DAMN sure was impending emotional distress, especially since her mom (my grandma, for those who can’t figure out basic genealogy) went to go spend this mother’s day (and everyone thereafter) with her in that big momma’s lounge in the sky. i’ve always been told to look on the bright side of things (especially from the two women honored yet absent from this year’s festivities) and the only bright side i could think of was, “well, at least this year i only have to call ONE person???” (the “???” denoting, of course, that i wasn’t 100% sure this was a positive thing; but hey, at least i’m trying)

i also had said that this year i would be getting blind-ass drunk since i felt i had the right to. well, as luck would have it, the clock struck midnight to start mother’s day, and i was not sober. i was also not blind-ass drunk. just somewhere in the middle, and to be honest, closer to the sober line. what i call “happily buzzed” and pink floyd calls “comfortably numb”; except their version was off a LOT harder stuff then skyy blue, the vodka themed malt beverage i downed in reasonable quantity last night, which i DO recommend if you like the smirnoff ice / hard lemonade kinda stuff…it’s not as throat-clenchingly tart, not as sweet, but just as, if not more, potent than the others. thumbs up. especially if you buy it by the bucket, which i did. but since i was NOT at home, but rather on some sandy picnic area off nakoma and west, just a belch and a holler from 281 and the airport in SA, i didn’t cross out of happy-buzz land (the neighbor to “horny-buzz” land and a few doors down from “more obnoxious than a former child star at a las vegas strip club when they try and cut off his tab” land). so, we were all good for the trip home, a catch-up viewing of last week’s simpsons, and some late night wal-marting (still buzzed – always fun to carry 40 lb bags of iams dog food when balance is starting to be a bit of an issue since at this point it’s 3:00am on sunday and you’ve been up since 8:45 saturday – and as you’ll recall, had taken the “bucket challenge” on skyy blue just a few hours earlier). but, i digress….

so, on my way to olive garden for the motherless day’s celebration with my sister, my uncle, and his “friend” i decided to call nana, i.e. my other grandmother (like none of you have odd pet names for your grandparents…shut the fuck up) so i call, wish her a happy mother’s day, and ask how her morning’s been. out of her end of the phone, i hear, kinda slurred, “oh, it’s been lovely….they had a HUGE luncheon here (she’s in a retirement community), and a bunch of my friends came out, and i had too much food and WAY too much champagne; so i’m gonna go to sleep now…i love you…good-bye” i said i loved her, too, got out “good” and HALF of “bye” and heard the click.

nap time for nana. keep in mind, in almost thirty-one years of existence i’ve NEVER heard my prim, proper grandmother even REMOTELY intoxicated, so this kinda made my day. i had decided NOT too get “pass the fuck out” drunk, so nana picked up the torch without even meaning to. THAT’S family bonding.

and more than just a bit amusing.

yesterday was my only day off in the past thirty-five (yes, 35) days (i worked a bit today, too). i’ve spent the bulk of the weekend cleaning and laundering and such so i can get back to fucking PAINTING this place, since my birthday is about six weeks from now, i plan on having people over, and i want all the interior work DONE by then. but tonight, i think i’m gonna sit down, and FINALLY finish out the mom memorial cross tattoo that’s about 65% done on my stomach (i’ll be drawing on the paper of course, not me) and i’ve already scheduled for it to all be finished up on friday, may 24th, which would have been my grandmother’s 95th birthday, so that way it kind of becomes a dual tribute between my mom AND her mom. and that will be all the ink work for the summer, so i can actually go swimming this year; and tubing; and maybe hit schlitterbahn if i can get some folks together for that. anyone interested?

posted @ 11:07 PM CST

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