narco hippo update

i put “update” in the title and then realized i don’t think i ever brought up the first part…

…where a judge in the u.s. basically classified the hippos as “people”. not actual people, just people in the “interested persons” sense, where their legal rights can be represented in court. but that was a couple years ago.

yep – long before there was cocaine bear, there were the cocaine hippos, although not quite the same thing.

while disney has taught us they’re just big and lovable…

be it animated or in their theme park…

they have no natural predators and can, quite literally, bite you in half.

pablo escobar imported four of them illegally for his own personal zoo back in the 1980’s when he basically, by hook or by crook, ruled columbia. now there’s over EIGHTY of them. and they won’t stop fucking.

pardon – i just realized the second article i read and linked to is ALSO from 2021 like the first one…when i found one about them in 2023 the population is now estimated to be 130, up more than fifty percent in just two years. it’s also estimated at this rate that, if left unchecked, there would be over 400 in another eight years. i think at that point you just have to give your country over to them.

several countries are down to let them be relocated their way, and while the articles from 2021 mentioned chemically sterilizing them, clearly that didn’t work. time to literally thin the herd by shipping them to sanctuaries in other countries. or redesign the columbian flag?