i’m not sure why this has never been rerun in twenty years?
i wondered if it was due to my better half’s (and most women, for that matter) not liking a word in the title but since she never reads this that wouldn’t make sense. one of the mysteries for the ages, i suppose. anywho, here’s…
09/16/2002: “moist traditions”
don’t ask me why, but for some reason whenever my company has it’s annual trip to schlitterbahn, it rains. now, since most companies don’t even TAKE an annual trip to schlitterbahn, i guess i can’t REALLY complain. but it DOES always seem to rain. saturday was gorgeous. i was wandering san marcos for the bulk of the afternoon sweating my ass off and thinking of how pretty der bahn would be on sunday. not so much the case.
i WAS gonna get up early on sunday and mow the grass. i still got up early, i just didn’t get to do any yard work, because of the rain. “oh, this’ll blow over…” i thought to myself. well, it’s now monday, just a pube hair past noon, and i’m STILL waiting for this to blow over.
the trip was still a blast, though…yeah, it was rainy, and yeah it was cold (although not so much in the hot tub…QUITE warm there). but there were NO lines, and so you could ride the rides you usually have to wait two hours to get on in under ten minutes INCLUDING the fourteen story stair climb. having an attractive, curvy date/guide that has been to the park every summer since the dawning of time helps, so you can find your way around. of course, if you’re female you might want yours a little less curvy. but then again, you might not…
we went on the “blastenhoff”? whatever one actually shoots you uphill in the water…and shoots GALLONS of water up your ass in the process. kinda reminded me of that one time…at band camp. well, never mind that now. then came “black knight”…a completely dark water slide. that is TOO damn fun…several tube shoots and body slides and freezing tram rides later and we were tossed out of the hot tub. not for lude conduct or anything…’cause it was six and time for the park to close for the season. if ANYBODY needed to be tossed for conduct, it was the drunk motherfuckers at the bar.
you know one of the CLASSIC signs that you drink too much? when you’re level of intoxication gets you cut off and removed from a HOT TUB. or when you fall off the bar stool face first into the hot tub, cigarette still dangling from your lips. we saw both. all the more fun to watch when you’re sober…but that last part changed with dinner. ah, mamacita’s…why must you pour them so mean? why? ’cause i wouldn’t want it any other way after a rainy day at the ‘bahn. now that’s a moist tradition worth re-living over and over again.
Replies: 3 Comments
speaking of which, i’ve decided that now instead of the yeah yeah yeahs, i’d like the white stripes second album “de stilj”. yeah.
josh said @ 09/17/2002 03:35 AM GMT
your WHAT? did i promise you a subscription? does your wife know about this? don’t feel bad…josh is still waiting on his cd from when he guessed the number i found in my car…or closest to it.
sean said @ 09/16/2002 06:43 PM GMT
you have got to be the only person that bitches about being wet at a waterpark. And dont say anything about “at least i’ll go” I dont want to hear it. By the way Im still waiting for my maxim subscription. Jackass
JAB said @ 09/16/2002 05:42 PM GMT