scaredy ho sunday

how often do you check your “requests” folder in insta?

did you even know it exists?

typically, it’s where spam hides. bootleg viagra. give me $100 and i’ll get you 10,000 followers. and pseudo-sexy women who wanna meet YOU. but the trick is for a message to get IN to this folder, it has to have come from somebody you don’t follow who also doesn’t follow you. so unless you have it set where people have to actually request to follow you (i have mine set to public because there’s really no reason not to) this kinda shit will happen.

mine, for the most part, is filled with accounts labeled shit like “_amber8523413454” and “bambi_234750” and such, accompanied by some pic of a twenty something with huge tits and followed by a few of my hornier co-workers, which is how i “made the list”, as it were. then there’s a message that just says “hi” or “check out my only fans” or something along those lines. sometimes they show extra effort and say “hi sean”, which shows they broke the code of my user name “m_sean_m”, i suppose. one message came there recently (“hi”), and a week later added, “sean, are you there?” and then on the 4th of july sent, “happy 4th of july”, which, as y’all might recall, was during the time i was riddled with the BA-5 CoVid and stuck at home and drinking heavily, so on that last one i sent back, “right back at ya!” a day later and received the message, “FINALLY!”

thus began several days of back and forth, which i tried to keep fairly innocent and generic, but i’m home sick, nik’s working, and it passed time, so it was a fun chat. assuming there’s any reality behind it, she’s a beautiful, nicely built woman (all of these facts are up for debate in reality, i’m sure), who’s in her mid twenties (that’s probably legit), and wanted us to “hook up” since we’re “so close to each other” and she was rather aggressive in her pursuit of me despite me pointing out i was married, older than her dad, etc, etc.

so, finally, i called her bluff and said, “sure – we can hook up. i’ll be in san marcos wednesday, which is half way between us, so let’s do this thing!” and i got three messages in response:

“great! sounds like a plan!”
“hope you aware”
“i charge for hookups”

yeah, so do trailer parks…

i’m over a half century old, and i’ve never paid for sex. ever. well, not DIRECTLY. we’ve all paid for it, indirectly, in one way or another. but not in the “oldest profession” kinda way. don’t get me wrong – i’ve slept with some actual pros, but i wasn’t a business hook up, just a personal one, and it was because i’m motherfucking charming AND i was a bit of an experiment. to that last end, i replied,

“hope you are aware…i’m pierced down there (twice)”

silence. many messages a day, for many days, and then NOTHING. she had basically “closed the sale” (as far as she knew – it wasn’t gonna happen in reality” but that one line shut the whole thing down. after two days of silence i sent over “guess the whole ‘pierced’ thing scared you off?” and she responded, “yeah” and that was it. no more solicitation.

and here i was jockeying for a discount!

(not really – never paid for it, no need to at this point in my life)

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