sweeeet bullshit i now can’t unsee

when will tucker carlson learn?

the answer is, “never, as long as the idiots keep frothing at the mouth for his bullshit”

it all started with m&m’s, or as i call em, “spite pellets”. see, two bitter guys started that bullshit and made the iconic confection it is today. forrest mars, who had been ostracized by this father after inventing many of its famous trademark bars (one of which we’ll deal with in a sec), and william murrie, who was president of hershey at the time.

mars was in europe and noticed the soldiers eating “smarties”, a british candy with a hard shell over “chocolate flavored candy” that didn’t melt due to the shell. he wanted to bring it stateside, but hershey controlled all the chocolate ration as we were entering world war 2, and as luck would have it murrie, who thought he was set to inherit the whole company due to his loyal service and milton hershey having no kids, and then he could pass it to HIS children. but, alas, milton had other plans, and murrie (understandably) felt slighted, so he made sure mars had plenty of hershey’s chocolate to get his m&m’s going, and for that murrie’s kid was put in charge. add to that a sweet (pun intended) military exclusivity deal and you’ve got the launch of a sugary titan.

so recently, m&m decided to change the green m&m’s go go boots to sneaks to make her less slutty looking (?) and tucker made it his “woke culture attack moment of the week” or whatever the fuck and a comedy writer known for intentionally doing fake news saw this. to fuck with him further, she took an old reddit thread about snickers and made it a thing, which he hopped on. the thing?

complete with a doctored photo, which always seals the deal…

pics or it didn’t happen – am i right?

here’s the problem – it DIDN’T happen. but the idiots trolling twitter didn’t get that, and neither did the bigger idiots at fox, so it got big enough that mars corporation had to publish their own tweet saying it wasn’t removing the dick vein.

here’s the bigger problem – i now can’t unsee a dick vein on a snickers, which is never how i saw it before. this will probably ruin that candy bar for a while for me.