i’ll never look at my key fob the same again

since it’s valentine’s day, let’s get all romantic and shit…

…and talk about shoving things up your ass.

i saw an article on vice recently talking about the phones that are specifically made to be hidden up your ass in prison. i know that sometimes you have to come up with a niche market item, but is this really the crevice you wanna wedge your target demographic into?

apparently they’re nothing new, and back in the early 2010’s looked like this:

and were, to scale, the same size as my key fob. yep – can’t unsee that shit! the new ones are even smaller than a disposable lighter:

and the reviews on amazon talk about how there were no rips or tears to the persons ass while they hid it up there. some of the posts talk about how they’ll beat a cavity search. the manufacturers are, understandably, a bit hard to track down, but looking at size and such there’s really no question what daphuk they were doing here.

hopefully this is one phone i never have to add to my plan…that limewire shit can’t come back and haunt me at this point, can it?