today is it. never thought it would happen. not like i hoped one way or the other, but it was still a pleasant surprise…
…as of today i’ve been doing this TWENTY FUCKING YEARS.
there was a bit i wrote up that pre-dates this, but that was just kramer re-posting something i did for his site (the capital letters give it away). speaking of, i saw an interesting post the other day:
“to all those who prefer to type in all lower case letters, keep in mind we are the difference between “helping your uncle jack off a horse” and “helping your Uncle Jack off a horse”
– Capital Letters
i’d like to state that, in twenty years, i’ve never had any of my shit misinterpreted due to not tapping my shift key. so fuck you folks, just get some skills.
moving on – the other fun part? this, the real first astrowhore bit, was never republished here. so here it is – your first ever twenty year old whore bit. enjoy!
02/02/2002: “home repair”
i’ve always been kind of a “do-it-yourselfer”…
two things have bred that in me over the years. the main one, is poverty. the second is the male ego that makes me think that i can do just about anything i want if i set my stubborn-assed mind to it. such is the situation with my home. i’m mid-remodel, and every time i think i can work on it, something happens. it rains. i find something better to do with someone i really wanna spend time with (i TOLD you you’d get mentioned here). or like today; no plans, no rain, day off. kinda chilly, but not TOO chilly. rolled out of bed at the crack of 9:00, got all ready to work, and saw that i had a message. figuring it was a “good morning” call from the aforementioned not-so-mentioned someone, i checked it, saying, “hi honey” as i hit the button to play the message.
turns out i referred to my BOSS as “honey” this morning (NOT to his face, thank christ), since he was the one who called before the crack of 9:00.
now i’m stuck at work for 10 hours on a gorgeous saturday that i’d rather be ANYWHERE else. three words will help improve my day, and it starts in mere moments….i have to go set up for the cowboy mouth show at la zona rosa, and the trip to the venue is gonna include a stop by twins liquor store. then it’s back to the office for me, and there’s NOBODY here but me. to show how my “day off” has been, i’ve had to field almost a dozen calls just in the time it took me to type this entry (16 by the time i proof read), and this is a SLOW time compared to earlier. i’ve dealt with over 150 whining people today, and the sun’s not even down yet, but soon all will be well, and at 9:00 i’m off to meet kramer “the man” wetzel and a few others to catch janine garofalo at the paramount in the opera box that i had set aside for us.
oh yeah….and the three words that’ll make the night complete in the next hour? make it all better; and make the sting of tech support calls lessen? crown fucking royal…and lots of it…