who knew it got worse?

i discovered a new level of human annoyance the other day and thought i’d share…

…so we’ll start with a phrase that might lose a couple of my friends from supporting me on this bit: vegetarians can be annoying. we get it – you don’t eat meat. either because you love animals, have some ethical issue, or maybe, as in the case of harold, just have a shitty gut that won’t let you. they get preachy, sometimes to you, sometimes to waitstaff, but trust us, we get it – you don’t eat meat.

what’s more annoying? vegans. they tell you and EVERYBODY about their “lifestyle” and generally are even more annoying about it. in their defense (i bet you didn’t see that coming) if i couldn’t enjoy a warm bowl of queso on a brisk day and i’d be edgy as fuck, too. who the fuck adopts a lifestyle that keeps you away from fucking dairy? cheese? pizza? queso? chocolate milk? ice cream? no wonder you guys are so fucking irritable!

but there’s another level down i just heard about – freegans. these are the crustiest of the crusty because their vegans that refuse to PAY for food. they only get their sustenance from dumpster diving for produce behind grocery stores. you gotta figure somebody doesn’t like the competition…

so, seriously – go nosh on a steak and fucking get over yourselves. dumpster diving for kale – talk about sliding backwards on the evolutionary scale!