fat tax (a flashback)

i called it!

eighteen years later this ain’t a thing!

06/11/2003: “that ass will cost ‘ya”

i’ve made no secret to the fact that i’m trying to lose weight, and am doing so with the atkin’s diet (20 pounds in just over a month, thank you very much…and that’s with quite a bit of cheating). on it, as many of you know, you look at the carb content rather than the fat. in fact, you’re encouraged to eat the ‘full-fat’ version of foods over the ‘low-fat’ version because low fat typically means higher sugar.

all good with me.

but now the u.k. (and it’s far-off bitch, new zealand) have started looking into a ‘fat tax’. fortunately most u.s. officials tend to see this as a bad thing.

damn, i’m proud to be an american.

i’ve never been to the other land down under, but i have been to england and i know there’s no sales tax. for that matter, most food here is tax-free as long as it’s all natural. but under this new proposal a tax would be levied on most dairy and sugary food. and i’m not talking some “8.25%” shit like we have for sales tax here in austin…i’m talking a whopping 17% tax!!!

can you picture this?

i bet that line at krispy kreme starts to go down if that happened here in the states. either that, or you’d just see less mini vans and more range rovers. but i wonder if they’d stop at dairy and sweet stuff. i bet if it hit here in this country, they’d go after ALL the fat stuff once they saw it was working. that could bump the price of a chili-cheese dog at a ball game from $8.50 to $10.00. sure, the change would be easier for the dipshit concession guy to figure up, but where’s the consumer motivation to wanna make that happen? all of a sudden mickey d’s has to brag about their double-cheeseburger being under FIVE bucks instead of ninety-nine cents. and that two dollar tip to the pizza schmuck will no longer seem generous since it’ll be WAY under that 15% gratuity ‘minimum’ we all have locked in our heads. but there is a bright side to think about when it comes to all this and this country…

it’ll never happen here. ever. and i’ll tell ya’ why…

this country has a shit-load more fat folk than the u.k. and the n.z. combined. has a shit-load more fatty food, too. but you know what ELSE we have a shit-load of? lobbyists. and as long as the poor-ass dairy farmer is part of the dairy farmers UNION who has some slick, sheisty, former cadillac salesman dressed in a $600 suit stuffing twenties into the pockets of bought and paid for elected officials there is no fucking way that dairy shit’s gonna be taxed that high. same with pork, or any other ag product. don’t fool yourself…those toothless tractor drivers have friends in HIGH places…and while you can’t technically BUY a congressperson, lease plans are available…but they’re going fast.

now, before any of you bring up the cigarette thing, keep something in mind. unlike milk (which does a body good) and pork (the other white meat) cigarettes have no nutritional value. at all. despite what my friend jen will attempt to tell you. also, they have won the major battle they needed to win: the labeling one. see, the companies that use ONLY tobacco in their cigarettes brag about it so much because most of them use a LOT more. but unlike dairy products, and sodas, and all the way down to bottled fucking water, ingredients are NOT listed on the side of cigarettes. you know why? ’cause they don’t want you to know. and they paid a lung-load of money NOT to have to tell you. in fact, the federal government study that found out what all the ingredients were has never been made public record.

fed silence ain’t cheap.

so you pay a bit more in taxes on ’em. awww…ain’t that a damn shame. but you still pay it. and you always will. forever and ever amen. and they KNOW this. ’cause when the taxes go up, they just up the most addictive of the eleven (okay, more like 364) herbs and spices that keeps you addicted and they know you’ll sell your own BLOOD just to get smokes (don’t laugh…i’ve seen it happen). but at least the non-smoking fat people (or tobacco-deficient, calorically-enhanced individuals, if you’d prefer to be more p.c.) will be okay. why the fuck do you think they’re so fucking jolly? if you had a blood-sugar content higher than a race horse, you would be, too. except, of course, when you had to pay for more than one airline seat…but never mind that now.

Replies: 2 Comments

well, i still say, if they’re taxing the shit out of dairy and fatty meat and such they’re all just basically saying vegans are the chosen people. of course, if you believe the hypocritical adage that AIDS is a plague put down by god to smite the evil, then lesbians are the chosen people…so if you’re a vegan lesbian, you’re solid gold. but if you eat out your partner and swallow, are you truly vegan?

sean M said @ 06/12/2003 12:39 PM CST

I still say that between “legalization” and this fat tax thing, um, somthin’ about money, i forgot…

Harold said @ 06/12/2003 12:25 PM CST

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