bongs and booze and saggy eyes and we’re down to five now (a flashback)

i’ll admit, i kinda hunted for this…

…as there was no perfectly aged bit for today i wanted to kill off another of the sinister six, the six months still NOT represented in the archives, which care january, february, and december of 2005, july 2006, and february and july of 2007. some might never be filled in. but at least 2006 is now whole because i found…

07/23/2006: “not cool & TOO cool – in the same day!”
today i saw the coolest new product and the stupidest new product, in the same day…

…shit, within the same hour.

and come to think of it, only two blocks apart. how the hell did that happen?

oh yeah – hangin’ with harold.

let’s split these up:

the stupidest new product i’ve seen in a long time

got attitude?

if you do, i hope it’s not the sunglasses that bare the name. ’cause attitude eye wear has a unique twist – no temples. you know, the part that juts from the frame to your ear? yeah, those aren’t around on attitude eye wear. so, do they hold to your nose, all matrix style, like you were morpheus? nope – they actually clip to EYEBROW PIERCINGS!

i shit thee not.

this has to be the stupidest thing…well…ever. or damn close to it.

(and the reason i have no pictures of this is, quite frankly, i feared that putting them on here would make me look like i actually support something this stupid.)

or perhaps this is just me showing that i am no a month and some change out of that “white males, ages 18-34” target demo group. nope – that can’t be it. ’cause even years ago (let alone weeks) i would have seen this as stupid. here’s something they aren’t quite thinking about:

hanging things from piercings stretches out the skin and makes them sag

period. i don’t care if it’s just glasses, and they’re kinda light. they are still weight. and you know what, kids? your eyebrows aren’t meant to carry any weight – so putting things through them (which i endorse) and then hanging shit from them (which i don’t endorse) will cause you to have saggy eyebrows. doubt me? look at people who wear heavy ear rings all the time, and their lobes stretch. do you want your eyebrows to sag down and obscure your vision? on the upside, you then wouldn’t NEED the fucking sunglasses, i suppose. so, they have created a product that in the long run will alleviate the need for the product.

wow. good business sense.

the best new product i’ve seen in a long time

two great tastes that taste great together mark the other product – and unlike the first one, people will ALWAYS need what this product gives us. i also no at least two (latina) readers who will be all over this one:

bong vodka!!!

it’s vodka…in a BONG!

yes, apparently that bottle shape is no coincidence. and the little badge you see on the round part? yeah, that can be detached once the beverage is consumed, and another piece of glass can be put in it’s place. i’ll stop the instructions there, just to make sure that i don’t get any more government attention on this site than i already do…

…so, how is this LEGAL?

i don’t know. and i don’t know how long it will be.

**2021 note – fifteen years later it’s still around**

but i DO know i’ll have to grab at least a bottle (probably not much more, due to it’s $40 price tag) before someone gets too wise to this. and since the product is ACTUALLY named “bong vodka”, that probably won’t take too long.

i just finished the bottle with this last martini…someone wanna call domino’s? i think we’re gonna need ’em in about half an hour!

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