g mail got it (a not-so-legal throwback)

in its infancy, g mail had a feature i don’t think it still has…

…and if it does, it’s buried it where we can’t find it easily.

back when it had a feature you could toggle on whereby between 9pm and 6am if you tried to send out an email you had to solve three math problems in fifteen seconds or it wouldn’t send it. this was to prevent drunken emailing, which was clearly not going to solve the drunken texting problem, or what my dumb ass did that one time…

07/23/2003: “commie truth serum”

breathalyzers…they’re not just for cops, former alcoholic’s pontiacs, and porno places (in my perfect world) any more. nope…know where they really belong?

mobile phones. baby, no bullshit…

not just for the drunk dial situation, which we’ve all experienced from one end or the other. oh no, i think there should be an attachment you have to breathe into before you answer the damn things, too. ’cause that has played havoc on my life more than once.

take sunday night, for example…

after a somewhat extended s.a. excursion i was back at the house for “grill and be grilled” day. a bit redder than normal (i have a sunburn for the first time in years) but otherwise all good. had a beef shoulder roast and a pork roast smoking nice and slow over a bed of mesquite chunks and apple wood chips. what WASN’T going slow was the rise of my blood alcohol level. but that’s okay…that’s where the “…and be grilled” part comes into the day, right?

once i was good and toasty (i’ve found that no carbs / no starch = no alcohol absorbancy, which makes me a pretty cheap date when it comes to bar hopping) i realized that my mobile was back on the charger in the bedroom. when i went to check it, the damn thing rang and my drunk ass answered it.


details are a bit foggy as to what happened from there exactly, but the long and the short of it had me launching into about an hour or so of telling this person all this stuff i never would have said in a trillion years without the aid of some ‘liquid courage’, or ‘russian truth serum’…i.e. vodka.

ah, alcohol…the source of, and solution to, all of life’s little problems.

in the long run, airing all this mental laundry that had been sitting stagnant for days, weeks, and in some cases years appears to have been a good thing. but when i woke up the next morning and crawled off my (still drunk) face, i wondered at the time. guess time will tell. and for once, no names will be mentioned to protect the not so innocent. but trust me, if you get your drunk on at the house, just lock your phone and your keys in the car…something tells me it’ll all be worth the $25 you have to pay pop-a-lock the next day.

Replies: 6 Comments

beerland here in austin? or is there one in s.a.? i’m supposed to go to some party in s.a. on saturday…just need to find someone to go with me…

sean said @ 07/24/2003 09:02 AM CST

Sean, I’m testing the no carb thing at Beerland this Friday with a group of friends. I’ll let you know how it goes.

the redheaded scorpio said @ 07/24/2003 07:27 AM CST

Aint it a bitch when you get drunk (like a glass of water), let all of those simian primates off your back for the evening then have to round them all up when you get sober again.

Harold said @ 07/24/2003 01:04 AM CST

nope, fish boy…homer simpson

sean said @ 07/23/2003 05:09 PM CST

hey, it wasn’t the sunfire’s fault; it got more action than i did.

shane said @ 07/23/2003 04:52 PM CST

“ah, alchohol…the source of, and solution to, all of life’s little problems.”

I know I’ve heard that before. somewhere in the canon of great literature?

astrofishy said @ 07/23/2003 01:31 PM CST

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