control, i’m here

first off, if you know the song the title of this bit came from WITHOUT using google, we should probably be friends…

…secondly, the phrase “control freak” gets thrown around a lot, but i’m not sure it necessarily fits me.

but i’m not sure it misses the mark, either.

i do feel better when i’m in control of a situation, but i think it’s because there’s been enough in my life i couldn’t control where shit went sideways. the deaths of family, friends, and pets comes to mind. or watching hail pummel your car when you know there’s nowhere to move it. or your folks splitting up when you’re a kid. all of ’em you (or at least i) ask yourself, “what could i have done to prevent this?”.

and i need to figure out how to let some shit go.

i don’t know if i can…or will. but i SHOULD. hey, that’s a step, right? admitting you have the problem? although i’m still not a hundred percent sure it IS a problem, but i know stress can cause all kinds of problems and i’ve realized the root of the majority of my stress (of which i don’t have much, honestly) is caused by me trying to maintain control of shit i can’t control.

i’m a guy. we fix shit.

and sometimes we try to do so even when it’s not broken…and therein lies my issue, i’m afraid.