so this has two “back in the day” statements to start this one off:
back in the day (late 90’s) i used to come up with these fun “so i told the officer…” bits on the way to work, then i would walk up to my co-worker mike falkenberg at the record store and launch into it with no explanation – but he knew if it started with “so i told the officer…” it would be good. most of them i have long forgotten, but i do remember a couple of em. this is NOT one of the ones i remembered, so i had to use it, even though…
back in the day (early 2000’s) this site was predominantly read by ME, a girl i was dating at the time (who said to tell everybody howdy from okalafuckinhoma where she’s lived for a while now with her husband) and so if i had a slow day at the office i would write multiple bits on work days to entertain her. so even though there actually were two bits that would be exactly eighteen years old today, and this one is actually from yesterday, i had used both the february 28th bits previously, so here we are…
02/27/2002: “phone sex”
so i told the officer, “hey man…the constitution says i have the right to keep and bare arms, so what’s the issue???” then he quickly pointed out that the appendage i was baring was a bit too low to be considered an “arm”, and that it was actually more “thumb-like” in size, which i attributed to “coldness-shrinkage” since we WERE standing in a frozen yogurt shop at the time. he just started giggling at me and let me off with a warning, so i zipped up and bought him a smoothie. closest to breaking even on these situations i’ve ever come, although i am banned for life from all TCBY locations.
(i know this had NOTHING to do with phone sex, but the subject line DID make you read it, right??? hehehe)