who knew? me, that’s who… (a throwback)

it’s scary how much of this actually kinda jives out today…

…but i pushed it out there exactly seventeen years ago today!

12/12/2002: “HATE (Humor, Ass, Tits, and Entertainment)”

tonight i got to play with my new little friend and i have to say i kinda dig the results. but when i first saw myself, a line from the “movie” corky romano shot through my head…

“hey…after i score my heroin, y’all wanna go out and commit some hate crimes and stuff?”

picture that said in the frilliest of “male” voices to a group of skinheads, and you can picture why i started laughing uncontrollably…which was the inspiration for a bit of satire with a somewhat serious overtone. but before we get TOO serious, let’s talk about kramer’s idea of what a little friend should be…

with the possibility of war approaching, plenty of groups out there feel it’s time for their voice to be heard. the problem is, in this day and age, we’re getting a bit TOO categorized and specialized in our grouping. take an organization i saw setting up a picket at the capital the other day, SUPPORTING the war. why? because it’s NOT a war against white people, so it’s acceptable.

the group? the Racist American Gay Educators…or “RAGE” for short.

this group has had tons of problems in the past. they got together as a “summers only” grassroots organization (being teachers, they have plenty of spare time in the summer, and after southern decadence in new orleans, their calendars are relatively free). they grew as an offshoot of a “parent group” of organizations know as the Fanatical American Gays, or “FAGs”.

the problem was, the racist thing didn’t go over well with the FAGs, so they had to branch off on their own. at their first rally, they went a bit far by not only expressing their racism, but also their dislike for the restrictive organization that they had sprung from. promoted it as a “colonists against the british” sort of vibe…although i think they just wanted an excuse to where frilly shirts and short britches. anyway, the problem was the whole anti-race, anti-FAG thing…

’cause they promoted it as RAGE against FAGs.

this brought out a bunch of REAL idiots (a militant racist organization of business owners who hates other races, but loves other species, aka Racist Entrepreneurial Animal Lovers) who were just itching for a fight with anyone trying to cause an uprising, and when the ARMY showed up (Arian Racist Misunderstood Youth) it became a mess because they thought it was supposed to be a gay bashing. well, this angered the RAGE group to no end, because now they were accused of just copying a very radical group from the early days of the FAGs that were self-hating, yet still wanted group affiliation with their parent sect, so like many a married woman before them, they hyphenated…

so the Fanatical American Gay group who were homophobic became know as the Fanatical American Gay – Homophobic American Gay group.

aka the FAG-HAGs. they didn’t last long, although occasionally their moniker is resurrected by some FAT chicks. or should i say women in the Fearful of American Turmoil organization, a group that seeks an alliance with all that have been oppressed just because they are what they are.

didn’t want y’all to think i was implying that fuller-figured gals tend to be FAG-HAGs or something. let’s move on.

you see what i’m saying? i mean, this was all off the top of my head, but as much as we try to specialize and categorize every little group in america, you could see some of these organizations ACTUALLY existing. today (and this one isn’t bullshit) i heard a woman in her 70s talk about wanting to punch a guy in the nose at the post office. she went in to buy stamps, and the guy handed her american flag ones. when she said she wanted xmas ones, the guy replied with, “you should take the flag ones…aren’t you patriotic? we could be at war soon.” “yes,” she replied, “but my grand kids are of age to get drafted, and i think it’s a pointless war”. “well, i think ALL young people should fight, plus then we can take their oil and all have cheaper gas”, he responded, apparently oblivious to the lack of mid-east oil in this country (for the most part) since the gulf “war”. and as far as ALL young should fight, i have a feeling that he isn’t signing up anytime soon himself. we’re all americans, but we need to get our heads straight and stop nitpicking the small stuff. ’cause if we keep breaking ourselves down into little groups, and picking on each other, a nation as small as iraq COULD fuck us up. i play with the differences amongst us on here all the time…but it’s all PLAY. learn to not take YOURSELVES so seriously, and we all win.

then we can go kick the hell out of some sand niggers.

that last statement on the page brought to you by the n.r.a.

Replies: 6 Comments

how on EARTH did i miss that?

kathi said @ 12/14/2002 09:09 AM CST

it was on the whore earlier this week, kathi…”spill paint in the garage…”

sean (now econo-sized…or at least, just econo) said @ 12/13/2002 08:27 PM CST

josh, you get dick jokes when you can tell me about the face shot. it’s been keeping me up nights!! i need a GOOD reason for having been tossed out of the IHOP

kathi said @ 12/13/2002 07:29 PM CST

dunno about dick joke, but I do have a tit-fuck joke (from doug stanhope) for ya: “So I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She said: ‘how are you gonna make that feel good for me?’ I said: ‘right before I come I’m gonna stop punching you in the face.’”

topenga said @ 12/13/2002 03:16 PM CST

when do we get to hear dick jokes?

josh said @ 12/12/2002 11:39 AM CST

Can I borrow that soap box when you’re done? Thanks tho… its 10:15am my time and this is the first real laugh I’ve had all day. Sitting here with kids I couldn’t belt one out, had to sort of contain it so I looked like I was crying!

the grumpy redhead said @ 12/12/2002 09:15 AM CST

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