throwin’ it back twice

so, when i went to find today’s seventeen year old bit, i found this…

08/29/2002: “the quick one-two-three”

i OPENLY admit that last entry sucked…so, here’s a quickie few to get you through the afternoon…i went out like a bitch this morning (and on the last one on here, i admit) but it’s the thought that counts, right?

(1) the transcript

sometimes, we are men of many words…other times, few. on my way back to the office today, the phone rang and it was kramer on his mobile. here is EVERY word that was said, verbatim:

me: whussup, nigga?
kw: remember…gun control means using BOTH hands
me: bullshit…it means using a gun in EACH hand.
kw: right…thanks for correcting me on that
me: no sweat
kw: that’s all….later
me: bye

believe it or not, such chats in texas (the only state in the nation where it’s illegal to buy the weight loss pill hydroxycut if you’re under seventeen) are actually kinda normal…

2019 NOTE – i have no reason why i mentioned “hydroxycut”, although i think i was using at the time to some success, but it should also be noted back then it still had ephedrine in it. moving on…

(2) the ride?

have you seen what they’ve done to the hummer? talk about pussifying an american bad-ass….hell, even the NAME of the fucking thing is slang for a blowjob. now they turn around and damn near make it girly? i saw one on the road the other day and started to giggle at it…”what the fuck is that lego looking piece of shit?” i thought to myself. then it passed, and i saw the word “hummer” on the back of it. as in drive one, and never get one. i dunno…pretty sad when a former military vehicle can go so wimpy so damn fast. they call the new abomination the “h2”, and call the original the “h1”. rolling, thunderous proof that sequels never, EVER live up to the original…except with austin powers and kevin smith flicks.

2019 note: for reference purposes, the one is on the left, the sequel on the right – not so manly any more, eh?

(3) quiz show

do you have a dick? are you a dick? sometimes we need help in answering the little questions in life…

2019 note: in the original bit, both appearances of the word “dick” went to two different online quizzes (keep in mind this was pre-smart phone and pre-social media so back then you had to pass around actual website links for such things) but i tested both links and neither still work (seventeen years later) so i didn’t bother to put them on here…

Replies: 1 Comment

liked that little test, didn’t you! Did you pass?

the redhead said @ 08/29/2002 08:57 PM GMT

a final 2019 note: because this started off referring to the last bit being lame, and it turns out the last bit came out that same day and is therefore seventeen years old today, i decided to tack it on here at the end:

08/29/2002: “fuzzy”

blame it on the tequila. that’s ALL i have to say. i remember (one of the last things i do so clearly from yesterday, i might add) that the description by the drink i had (the “fuzzy” rita) was that “after a few of these, lifes starts to SEEM fuzzy.”

no bullshit.

i got home last night and COULD not write…which is a shame because i WAS not drunk; just creatively unfocused and kinda numb. i remember kathi and i talking about SEVERAL things that i was saying at the time, “this is SO going on the ‘whore….you know that, right?”

but apparently, it isn’t. at least not yet.

i passed out hard last night and woke up late, so i’ll TRY and get a little more up later today, but work ain’t real cool with me doing the whore on the company nickel (i just got the humor in that as i proofread) so we’ll see. keep in mind, we’ve got a three-day holiday weekend coming up, and in my grand tradition in such matters, i don’t have anything to do or anyone to spend it with…

*starts singing old david lee roth song that was old when dave sang it….*

“i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i ain’t got no baw-dee………nobody, cares for me….no body”

okay, i’ll stop…

but the bottom line is, i’ll have TONS o’ time to make up for it, even though most of you won’t actually read it till tuesday, since most of you, unlike me, have lives. only kidding. i know you don’t , either…

Replies: 1 Comment

I’ll give you a nickle not to sing. And I had a life once, but those things are //so// over-rated.

astrofishy said @ 08/29/2002 02:41 PM GMT

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