saturday screw up series

today we’ll talk about two colossal screw ups i did over the last couple weeks…

first fuck up

last thursday we were heading to the airport in new orleans and looking for food. since we really didn’t know jack nor shit about the area around the airport we decided to err on the side of caution and just go return the rental car, check our bags if the line wasn’t bad to do so, and eat there.

returning the rental car was a snap – you pull into a garage, a guy comes out with a handheld device, you hand him the key fob, and they check to make sure you didn’t fuck it up, you filled the tank, and the check engine or tire lights aren’t lit up like christmas. you’re in and out in under five minutes. in case you’re curious, we rented one of these ones:

(hey, we’re a BMW family – no need to slum to much when we’re on the road, ya know?)

so we wander through the airport, check our bags, and head for the TSA checkpoint. boarding passes were scanned, shoe were removed, and we grabbed those gray tote bins reminiscent of what we kept our shit in back in fourth grade. when i emptied my right pocket i got a surprise – be cause where i shoulda seen one of these:

instead i saw one of these:

i had pulled my fob off and given it to the enterprise guy by mistake! i was standing close enough to the truck with its fob in my pocket that the damn thing detected it and still started for him. so, ON went the shoes, all the shit was stuffed into my pockets as i started a jog/mall walk up the ramp to the concourse, and i started the hike. we were at the start of concourse “b”, and i had to go all the way back to car rentals on the opposite side of the airport. for reference purposes:

when i got out there i saw a cadillac suv stuck at the end of the row (they don’t start easily without their keys) so i ran up and reached on the dash – no fob. i then realized this one was light BLUE, and ours was silver…and two rows over (still in the back spot). but again, no fob. as i turned around and yelled, “FUUUUUCK!” a guy appeared out of nowhere in a green enterprise polo, held out a BMW key fob and calmly said, “trade ya”. we did, and i began the journey back. to add insult to injury we flew out of gate B-15. on the positive, we had some pretty good food in the airport.

fuck up number two

have you heard of parting the cart before the horse? well, i put the tires before the wheels. i’m in the middle of a (more exhausting than i expected it to be and shit hasn’t even been delivered all the way yet) project with the ride that had me getting in tires based on what my owner’s manual said was the staggered tire size for 20″ rims. turns out that’s for the FACTORY rims, and if you go aftermarket that can vary. for the wheels i wanted, it varied. so the back tires had to go back. they’d come in while we were in NOLA, and i SWEAR the front smaller ones were on top when i looked the day we got back, so i just pulled off the top pair, slapped the shipping label on the bottom pair, and shoe horned em into my back seat…but as i backed out of the driveway monday i saw our postal truck, so i waited till it got to the house (it was two doors down) and loaded the tires into it myself. easy breezy!

until i got home…

…when i got home i went to move the remaining tires only to see the ones in my entry way were the ones that were supposed to go back – i’d shipped the wrong ones! i tossed the others in the car with a roll of packing tape and bolted for the post office but my postal carrier hadn’t come in yet, so i got to stand in the lobby with two tires and say, “i’m not in line, go ahead…” about sixty times before i heard the truck pull up, then i went out back and pulled the label off, replacing it (sorta) on the other tires.

i didn’t show any movement for a couple days on my postal app and was sure the label had come loose.

“fuck it”, i said to myself, “it’s on them now – they scanned it AFTER i put the damn thing on” but it made it to florida thursday only for the guy to ask me to help with shipping post mortem. while it seems this shoulda been something that popped when you first put the return in, on another listing i pulled up of theirs it DOES indicate you’re expected to not only pay return shipping BUT a restocking fee. again, this should all be mentioned when you set up a return, but it’s not. it simply prints a label at no charge to you and instructs you to tape it to your item and send it back. it then states you’ll get a full refund. if he tries to nail me for more than a bill i’m gonna be pissed – i’m offering sixty something to make this peaceful.