settle up sunday? (a well-timed slap back)

while digging for friday’s bit, i came across something from years past and i aim to settle a debate with it…

…but i bet somebody will still argue this.

sadly shane might be leaving the area soon. NO, he’s not getting locked up – just moving coastal with the rest of his family, so i’ll probably rarely see him save for when they have to head inland to flee a hurricane. but back to what i found:

see, this is off what i call the “fuck” files. i have two archival astrowhore libraries i pull from. the first ends in the fall of 2003 and was every bit, good or not, archived onto a disc by kramer for me to pull material for a journal con held in austin in 2003. all bits are just numbered with no clue to content until you open the file.

when the server slam slaughter of 2008 (march) happened all archives were lost – but google cache wasn’t. so i started searching key words to find old bits before they rolled off the google cache servers. i figured putting in “” plus certain words i knew were used a lot brought up the most bits, and the first word i searched for in conjunction with the web address was “fuck”, hence “the ‘fuck’ files”. the screen shot above shows when it all went down, in 2008, when we relaunched, although i’ve never fully dropped everything to the archives here.

my files have random descriptions as labels, and you’ll noticed the one highlighted, which is below in it’s entirety, is a bit i remember typing from shane’s trailer in mcqueeny, texas, just a drunken stumble from the gun range they have out there now. i THOUGHT it laid things out more explicitly, but as it does indicate it was written while neither of us were sober, it leaves a good bit open to interpretation, which does us zero good.

here’s the bit:

11/17/2007: “all about the benjamins”

we got some money going on here…

…and it’s serious cash.

shane claims he’s a terminal bachelor. by choice. it’s what he is, it’s what he does. i have no problem agreeing with him on this, although i do think he’d make a cool dad.

but never mind that now.

i see myself as a member of the terminal bachelor club, too. not by choice – just clearly the way it is. seeing as how i’m “borderline chubby” and “damaged goods” (quoting a female friend who’s talked to me a lot there) i figure i’m a member, just not a voluntary member.

but a member none the less…

shane sees this as temporary. i don’t. and in my slightly intoxicated state, we just made it official – i just bet this drunken fuck ONE THOUSAND BUCKS that i won’t be married and a dad by the age of fifty. he sees this as easy money. i’m thirty-six, been THRICE engaged, and have yet to find that woman who walks the fine line of smart enough to keep my interest, yet stupid enough to actually marry me…plenty who meet the first category (a couple of which i speak to daily) – but they don’t fit that second category.

place your bets…side wagers are welcome. shane will set the odds on this one…

we argue over the “os factor”.

the “os factor” refers to osgood, or “os” as we call him (pronounced the same as “OZ”), which is the UFC’s son from a previous marriage that i’ve been helping her raise since he was eight (he’s fourteen now) and while he’s not the biggest fan of his dad (he just calls him “jason” most of the time these days) he’s also extremely quick to correct people that ask if i’m his dad with, “well, STEP dad…”.

shane defines “the os factor” as him winning the bet because yes, i am married and, yes, there is a kid involved. i argue that the dad clause was all about me actually knocking somebody up, as evident by his numerous comments on this bit (that couldn’t be pulled off google for whatever reason, but not just HIS comments, ALL comments were omitted in these pulled files) about poking holes in condoms, or paying mexican hookers to make me raw dog them, or whatever.

so i guess, eleven years later, this ends in a draw?

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