well, shoot

today was supposed to be a lighthearted bit about an old friend from the astrowhore days, “kimberly, the porn star in training” who now lives in bandera but has been in san antonio working the rodeo…

…but her kid got sick which cancelled our visit yesterday so i figure we can take on another lighthearted topic in her place:


two things i need to put out there, in bold so everybody realizes this is literally set in stone:




today’s big topic is “bump stocks”, which are now being discussed as a ban item, which made at least one of my friends believe they were used in florida, but they weren’t. nor were they used in the recent church shooting. they WERE used in vegas, though, which is the only reason more than ten percent of the population now knows what they are.

but the problem is in the numbers. critics can bring up banning all guns, or even all assault rifles, and it sounds like the perfect solution because in the eyes of most americans that’s what are used in most mass shootings. except they’re not. and a “ban” would follow suit with what we had during federal assault weapons ban, when there was a seven day waiting period for any gun purchase and you couldn’t get magazines over ten rounds – but by “couldn’t get” i just mean they could no longer make them (unless it was for military or law enforcement, of course) and they couldn’t be imported in to the u.s.. but the millions of them that were still out there? they were STILL FUCKING OUT THERE, they just sold for four times as much at gun shows.

and keep in mind smack dab in the middle of that ten year ban, columbine happened. in fact, gun violence was GREATER during that period than it is now. to quote the old bumper sticker, “when guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns”.

here’s something a lot of people don’t know – when you fill out that form to buy a guy, you’re on the honor system. it asks you if you’re a felon, which the background check will show. but are you here illegally? are you a fugitive from justice? renounce your citizenship? those things will more than likely NOT show up on a background check, so you’re just expected to be honest. also, they know you bought A gun, but they don’t know WHICH gun. serial numbers and types of weapons sold to who are NOT TRACKED in any way, shape, or form. did you buy a deer rifle or an AK-47? anybody’s guess!

so here are three steps i feel are realistic and should actually be taken:

1. if you’re under twenty-one you can’t buy a gun. see – that even rhymes. instant marketing. it’s pretty simple – if you’re too young to buy this:

then you’re too young to buy this:

2. close the gun show loophole – in other words, all gun sales HAVE to be done through licensed dealers. the ATF won’t let your buddy sell booze or smokes to people (technically), but he can sell as many guns as he wants? that makes no sense. either make your name just “AT” or to your F’n duty!

and finally…

3. let’s really look at the mentally ill and guns and try not to let them meet up. this is the sticky one, because you have to then define what qualifies as “mentally ill”. seeing a therapist or on meds would disqualify a metric shit ton of the country from buying guns. but i know a guy who had to wait seven days but still bought a pistol and he’s on PERMANENT FEDERAL DISABILITY FOR MENTAL ILLNESS. that shouldn’t happen.

for that matter, i think they SHOULD allow felons to regain their right to purchase if all the crimes were non-violent and they go five or ten years with no convictions. they’ve paid their debt – let them protect themselves! a lot of people with felonies can’t rent in nicer neighborhoods, but they can’t defend themselves either? that’s pretty fucked up…

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