my uncommon liver vs the common man’s rules

tonight the ufc and i are out catching eddy izzard, and drinks will be had…

let’s look at one time they couldn’t, thanks to whitey:

not me, right? you can’t be talking to me!!!
by sean ~ April 25th, 2006. Filed under: Uncategorized.

so, i got to see how the other half lived last friday…

…and i don’t like it.

we’ve covered this from both angles.

we went to baby a’s last friday night so alex could grab food and i could have a couple of purple margaritas, which the menu says are “limit two“. my personal record is four. not bragging, just saying. all from the same waitperson, and all due to one simple fact:

nobody does a better impression of sober motherfucking charm than drunken motherfucking charm

it’s true. especially when trying to get alcoholic favors from waitstaff. or other favors from strippers and/or hookers (people tell me there is a difference here – depends on who you ask and where you are, i believe). let’s stop this line of thought before i get into trouble, agreed?


so, imagine my shock – two purples into the evening, actually feeling VERY little of a buzz, i ask the waitress for a third, and she says, “no”.

excuse me?

what was that?

she went on to explain – she would server me a beer (i don’t do “beer”) or another KIND of frozen margarita, just not the ever popular, ever lethal purple variety.

i was blown away. me…cut off from drinking what i want to drink. at a bar. a bar i’ve written up on this very site. a bar i’ve praised. a bar i’ve taken other people to, introduced them to the way of the purple rita.

but back the bus up for a sec and focus on the real point here:

i was cut off. what were the other six signs of the apocalypse approaching?

she tried to blame it on the new TABC rules whereby since a bar is a public place they have been busting patrons, bartenders, and even waitstaff that aid in getting people loaded to the point of it being obscene.

i would, at this time, like to state that i have had some obscenely fun times while obscenely drunk occasionally doing obscene things to some of the women that read this site. where’s the harm? everyone seemed to have fun – what the fuck???

but, i digress…

so, i ordered a sangrita (my bail out drink at most places without a killer house cocktail) and moved on – until she came back. then i just HAD to know…

“hey – was it really out of fear of getting busted or do i actually appear intoxicated to you?”, i asked, with nary a slurred word in sight.

she stated it was strictly out of fear of getting tagged, that she was a single mother, and that she couldn’t go to jail and leave her little boy stuck out wondering where mom was all night. i could let it slide with that. she added that she had never seen anyone drink two of those and appear completely unphased. i think she was just trying to up her tip at that point…

…it worked.

so now i have to get a new goal there, i suppose; or switch sections and waitstaff. or hell, i guess i could just slow down on the drinking when i go to baby a’s…

…and if you believe that last line, they should cut YOUR ass off at one round of purples – if that much.

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