laborless labor day flashback

i’m spending today with the fam so…

09/05/2005: “ques”
my buddy’s dad is jesus…

…but we’ll get to that in a second.

this weekend has been a bit carb-rich, to say the least – but alex & i have attended three different bar-b-ques in three different counties and done very minimal kitchen / cooking time (which for me is quite rare). now i just need to get back on the diet train, which will kick in tomorrow of all times (labor day – what am i thinking here?). let’s review, shall we?

day – friday
county – williamson
occasion – guy i work with been in austin for a year
vice – tequila
crowd – work folk
food – ka-bobs
carbs – krispy kreme

notes – yeah, so i’m all good on the diet until the booze kicks in and then krispy kreme just had to happen (alex didn’t help with this). for all taking notes, drinking tequila like it’s lemonade (on the rocks, straight, in a BIG glass with refills) and THEN eating donuts does not mean the carby goodness will absorb the booze and make all better. trust me. live and learn, i suppose. hey, the little leprechaun on my shoulder said it would be okay – but he’s lied to me before. just ask my probation officer – it’s how we met, in a matter of speaking…

day – saturday
county – travis
occasion – kathi turns twenty-nine!!! (again)
vice – oliveros anniversario cigars (no booze)
crowd – family folk (kathi, JAB, et al)
food – fajitas
carbs – chips n’ queso, birthday cake

notes – i helped build a gazeebo, made the queso, and sliced up seven pounds of skirt steak. it’s nice to feel needed. good times, good friends, and good grub. saw people i haven’t seen in years. i promised minimal boozing on the evite (and wondered if a pool was started since quite a few of these folks saw a performance or two on my behalf at my own birthday ‘q) and then instead of doing minimal did none. ha! pay up…

day – sunday
county – guadalupe (i think – at least that was the river we were on)
occasion – lance’s family doesn’t need one to drink
vice – surprisingly, a very nice cuban cigar and no booze (think about it – last time i got drunk around these people i ended up eating squirrel – would you take the risk?)
crowd – lance’s family and neighbors and such
food – catfish
carbs – yummy chocolate cake, and lots of it

notes – honestly, what labor day bit would be complete without a picture of decapitated fish heads hanging from barbed wire???

(quick note – i’ll have to find the pic and put it in the archive version here)

exactly. now, let me put this into perspective – the size difference in these is not due to their distance from my camera phone. oh, no…and for those of you who know your catfish, this will freak you out – the SMALL head on here is from an eight pounder. the mid-size? a twelve pounder. the big bitch? forty-three FUCKING pounds of catfish, straight out of the guadalupe river from a line strung off of lance’s dock.

does anyone know their bible stories? since this is a sunday night entry, i thought this would be appropriate…

remember the story about jesus performing the “miracle” about feeding the masses with just a fish or two? it occurred to me after today that NOWHERE in that story do they reveal one thing – the size of the fish. i even checked (yes, the man that owns a crucifix dildo also owns a bible – gotta balance, you know? although it is in the historical fiction section of my collection). well today thirty-five of us ate for hours like cattle and STILL had leftovers off a single fish (the smaller two are still in the freezer). but when you end up with just over twenty pounds of meat off a forty-three pound catch, that can happen.

which goes to back up something i’ve always said…

if in fact the bible stories are even remotely true, there is no WAY the people in them (jesus in particular) was white. couldn’t be. and not just for geographic reasons…but if they WERE white, and they had fish large enough to “feed the masses” there would have been a note in to the effect of “the sumbitch weighed fitty pounds” and “i fought that piece of shit for five hours” and “it damn near spilled my beer” and such.

but that’s not in there…

…so you know the people that caught and served them weren’t white. couldn’t be. and that concludes today’s sunday school lesson.

so now, enjoy labor day…

…as for me? mine will look like this…

day – labor day
county – hays (san marcos river, to be exact)
occasion – see “day”
vice – oddly enough, another cigar and BIG diet rock star
crowd – alex, me, and perhaps “ME” if she makes it down
food – bar-b-que take out
carbs – none

notes – the river, a cigar, a cute latina (or two) – what more could a man need? now why can’t i get paid for this???

and how sad is it i could only find a labor day bit that went back TWELVE years?

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