spring break is here, bitches!

ah, spring break…

…when you’re younger (tween and below) it’s just a cool week off school where most parents try and figure out what the fuck to do with you. it never occurred to me that was “a thing” until the ufw and her kid moved in because growing up i was raised in a single parent home…a single EDUCATOR parent home. so she was off whenever we were off – spring break, xmas, and the summers. worked out beautifully. as i’ve said before, and i’ll say again, i have ZERO complaints about my childhood, have no really bad memories (except for dogs dying or my bike getting stolen – but no parent-blamed trauma) and generally wouldn’t have changed a thing (except for maybe getting laid earlier, but who wouldn’t?). but, i digress…

…i came up with six cool spring break memories i figured i’d share, then i think i’m taking the week to chill and do home projects rather than write…but time will tell.

MCMLXXXVI – dad free is stress free?

every now you get an “oh, NOW i get it…” moment. one of my big ones came spring break of 1986 (freshman year in high school) when i went up to mckinney (subdivision of dallas most notable for giving us robert van winkle, aka “vanilla ice”) and saw how they raised my step-sister (iron thumb of discipline, not allowed to think for herself) and realized that could have been me. mom’s more “free-form” parenting produced a college graduate who never produced any ill-planned offspring, owns his own home, and all without asking them for a nickel or a moment of help. their version produced, quite literally, the polar OPPOSITE of that.

MCMXC – you’re a lumberjack and that’s NOT okay…

freshman year in college found me going to hang with my buddy lance in east texas where he was going to school at at stephen f. austin university, home of the fighting lumberjacks (mentioned to the subtitle makes sense). keep in mind this was back when my single vice was cigars…and yet somehow my presence and attitude toward the collegiate experience combined with his own resulted in him dropping completely out of school the last day i was in town. to her dying breath my mom still blamed me for lance never finishing college. it should be noted he DID go back, but to the same school as me, to pursue a criminal justice degree but left when his girlfriend turned up pregnant with their now nineteen-year-old son so he could join the police academy a bit ahead of schedule in dallas.

MCMXCIII – makin’ it rain…literally!

one year i decided i should be all traditional and shit and hit the beach, so i went to port aransas with JAB. what made it interesting was he had dropped out of college at that point (mom didn’t blame me for that one) and was working so we drove down on friday and drove back sunday…both weekends. the first one the weather was abysmal, but the second weekend was really pretty, save for the hand wash area of our room at the days inn in aransas pass, where we created a rain cloud unintentionally by leaving the ac cranked but the bathroom door shut with the heater vent fan cranked to dissipate one of our “leavings”. a real rain cloud. IN the hotel. who needs to trash the tv when you can do THAT shit?

MCMXCIV – i ain’t nuttin’ to fuck wit

for most of austin spring break and the sxsw (south by southwest) music, film, and interactive festivals are synonymous, and i’ve had my share of good and bad ones, so i figured we’d do a few of those as well. my first recollection of being at the festival was for it’s first hip-hop night in 1994 when i was hosting southwest texas’ first hip hop radio show so i got asked to be there and the headliners were “the gravediggaz” which i was all excited to meet because of prince paul, who had been in stetasonic and produced all the killer shit then i liked like 3rd bass and de la soul…what i DIDN’T know was the band was part him, and part GZA from the wu-tang clan. i didn’t know any of the actual members ’cause all my records were promos with no liner notes so i met him, hung out with him all night, talked hip-hop and bar-b-que joints and karate flicks and LATER realized who he was…kinda like when i met ludacris several years later. but while there a drunken bushwick bill from the ghetto boys tried to fight me, inciting the subtitle of this one. i still don’t know what that midget’s problem was that night…gifted artist, though.

MCMXCVII – mack like an egyptian

1997 was the first sxsw i worked and so did my “girlfriend” at the time, tanya, a redheaded stripper all of nineteen at the time who didn’t want people to know were together. she said this was her plan so it looked like she got her crew slow via skills not “skillz” (i.e. fucking the venue manager) but used said relationship anonymity to flirt with EVERY musician that came through (to no avail, i might add) but we had a late edition to our lineup that contained none other than vickie from the BANGLES and we kinda got along well on the phone so upon her arriving i got a nice hug and kiss hello, and moreso when she went to leave post-set and post-drinks. hey, i WAS “single”, right?

and finally –

MMI – damn it, billy!

2001 was one of the last sxsw i really went to, then as the guy who distributed all the wristbands so part of my payment WAS one. that year stubb’s had a great weekend (this year they’re not even participating) and two of the nights were the cult. why two? because stubb’s broke one of the sxsw golden rules and did a ticketed show on a “sxsw night”, which i put in quotes because it was one SUNDAY when most of the venues are closed recuperating. but never the less, the sxsw folks had to be appeased to there was a revolver magazine party added on saturday night headlined by the cult there. i went to it, got to meet guitarist billy duffy, and he gave me a pass for the next night so we could go drinking after the show and hang out. the next night was the ticketed show and was awesome because the bulk of my skater kid friends from eighth through twelfth grade showed up and we all got to hang and jam to the band we jammed to back then in a boom box on the side of a ditch in san marcos, texas. but afterwards? they went to reminisce and compare kid pics over beers at some bar and i went drinking with guitarist from the cult. and there we were.

but now? for MMXV (2015) i’m all excited i get to have my way with my wife any time i want and sleep in ’cause we’re kid free for the week as he’s in colorado with his dad. shit, i never got laid on any of the other ones mentioned here so i’d say i’ve kept improving!