with that there new social networking site comes the same ol’ social awkwardness, i suppose…

maybe it’s ’cause i’m not a fifteen year old broad…

…but some things about facebook i just don’t get.

of course, i also don’t “get” how the site is still “a thing” for teenagers. i mean, after people my age (and older) embrace something isn’t it supposed to be the 2012 slang term for uncool? i mean, i when i go get groceries, shit for an oil change, and breakfast tacos – and all three places (heb, autozone, and mr. taco, respectively) have “like us on facebook!” on their doors how fucking cool can it still be? is there any street cred left?

fuck me, is “street cred” even still “a thing”?

but here’s six things that have been bugging me lately about the whole thing – it kinda makes me want to shut down my account, except i can’t and still admin our shop site, which ever since i even started helping with has kinda been dropped in my lap. so, if anybody has the answers for any questions i pose between now and the end of the bit, don’t hesitate to hit the comments section…

socially awkward, version 2012.0

we don’t care – i don’t get the “check in” thing. you’re letting the world know where the fuck you are…and more importantly, you’re letting them know you’re NOT FUCKING HOME. i have nice shit. i don’t need to announce to the world “look – i’m checking in at a restaurant a hundred miles from my place! so while i have a good meal you can come get a free flat screen tv!” fucking seriously?

“if they don’t know the difference, what difference does it make?” – a quote from my grandmother, who never saw facebook, i should add. but in this case it’s a statement about tattoos. long before i even started working in this industry full time i knew the difference between “good shit” and “bad shit”. clearly a lot of people i have grown up with don’t. case in point:

what’s worse than a bad tattoo? a bad memorial tattoo. what’s even worse? a really fucking big bad memorial tattoo. don’t let the contours fool you – that’s not her forearm or calf, that’s homegirl’s back. on the upside, she’s kept some nice curves over the years (pic is less than a year old and she’s about six months older than me). down side? this would make me go limper than properly cooked pasta, even WITH the curves. i’ve had to drop people off facebook ’cause i know i’d get drunk enough to comment and they’d drop me anyway. we might re-visit this on it’s own sixer later called “how to know your tattoo sucks”.

side note – i did comment “who’s ‘jod’?” but she deleted it. in response i submitted the pic to ugliest-tattoos.com and they posted it…

it doesn’t get more public…period. – you could erect a interstate-highway sized billboard over your house trimmed in neon and have ten foot high letters and the message wouldn’t hit as many people as you know (and don’t know) as posting some shit on this site. fucking seriously. and people don’t realize that if you’re trying to kinda hide some shit, don’t let it anywhere NEAR this fucker. i don’t know a site that’s gotten more people busted, dumped, or fired than facebook. hell, i’ve busted our own folks from the shop doing stupid shit and they always ask, “how’d you know?” again, fucking seriously?

the de-evolution of socialism – i remember when your birthday would roll around and people sent cards. or did shit with you. then came cell phones, and people just started calling. then came texting, and people stopped dialing. now with facebook, they just post on a wall and move on with their day. i wonder how much further apart we get to drift here? this was the first birthday i’ve ever had where i didn’t hear a relatives voice at all. not a one. uncle arthur sent a card, teri and dad texted. the end.

i get it – whatever the fuck is retrograde – somehow several of my friends (kramer’s the top of this list, so he got picked on with the starter bit here). somehow my “friends” (in the FB sense of the word) have gotten me to be a friend, a subscriber, a fan, a roman, a countryman (there, kramer – does a billy s reference make up for the intro pick on?) and so i get the same update four or five times in a row on my news feed from the same person. i really need to figure out how to edit this down a bit on my own, i suppose.

if i don’t know you, i’m not gonna be your friend…unless you’re really hot! – this is actually what sparked this bit. i had drinks with some girls i went to high school with the other day. one of them has a boyfriend that is twenty years her junior who met her ’cause he was on her DAUGHTER’S facebook, saw a mother/daughter pic, thought moms was kinda hot, and sent a friend request. the rest is history. the other girl that was with us has a nineteen year old daughter as well, who after that night sent me a friend request. i don’t know this girl. i’m barely “friends” (meant in the facebook sense, nothing more) with her mom. i’ve debated whether or not it was a social faux pas to deny the request ’cause…well…i don’t fucking know her. but you know what? i don’t care if it upsets her ’cause facebook says, verbatim, “if you know sean send a friend’s request”.

she still sent it.

i don’t know her.

i’m gonna go decline that shit now.