be high to see your highness

i think that’s where i erred…

…i had a drink or several. okay, two pints, two car bombs, a glass of knappouge castle, and two guinness foreign stouts. and that wasn’t enough.

your highness still sucked. for a couple of reasons.

first off, it was a redbox rental. it did that “extras trick” – where it SAYS it has extras, but doesn’t. normally it doesn’t even list a “bonus features” section. this not only LISTED one, but listed what they were (“gag reel”, “deleted scenes”, etc…) and then let you click on them AND see the name of said scenes and what not. took you all the way to when you could click on what you wanted to click on to actually SEE it…than that wonderful black screen with the white text:


fuck you.

on to the actual flick – it’s got james franco from pineapple express, danny mcbride from, well, almost everything funny that’s come out in the last five years, and natalie portman…in a thong. (portman in a thong, that is – not mcbride). it’s set in midevil times but has lots of modern references and what-not. i remember when the trailer first came out online and harold showed it to me and we both got pumped to see it – but then it came and went in theaters so quickly we didn’t, which SHOULD have probably tipped me off in hindsight. never the less, when i saw it was out on redbox it had to get rented.

but it was a let down. i can’t put my finger on why exactly, i just know that less than half way through i found myself going “…and???…” and not getting an answer.

then came the real insult – i went back to the store that night and decided to return the dvd even though it wasn’t due till the next night at 9pm and it wasn’t even 9pm the day i rented it. i had another movie i’d rented along with it and didn’t want to double up on double charges should i space it and not take them back on wednesday. went to the store, dropped the thing in the kiosk, got my groceries and went home. i’d left my phone at home on the charger and wasn’t surprised that it was blinking red upon my return ’cause redbox emails me “return receipts” when i drop movies off…what DID surprise me was when i opened it to delete it and saw i had returned the OTHER movie i had and left “your highness” on my table at home by mistake!

the worst kind of suck-ass move is one that simply won’t go away. of course, that’s now napoleon dynamite ended up growing on me till i liked it. this one didn’t get that chance – it went back early the next day and i was done. you should be done with it already – save your cash.