let’s compromise here

this is an open letter to the city council or whoever makes the laws for the city of austin, texas…

okay, i admit it…

…i’m one of those people you hear about on the news. yes, THOSE people. the ones that actually attempt to get away with d.w.t., or “driving while texting”. it’s not “texting while driving”, which is a common misconception – the texting comes first. if you doubt me, try it (although, hypocritically, i’ll ask you to do so on a road where i’m NOT).

notice how you’re focusing more on what you’re reading or writing rather than, say, the seven year old that just darted out in front of you? yeah, exactly. sadly, being the addict i am, i do it with emails via my phone, too. now, don’t get me wrong – this isn’t a daily ritual – sure, i’ll READ them at stoplights, but i seldom respond. i’ve done it. more in the past than lately. for the last several months i’ve been unemployed, you may recall, so i just figure i’ll answer when i get somewhere…when you’re schedule’s been this open this long your sense of urgency tends to fall by the wayside.

but the city of austin is looking to change all this. proposed legislation will make emailing and texting while driving illegal. surprisingly i, one of the “repeat offenders” on this, sees this as a good idea. what i DON’T like is the “rider rider”.

what’s with the repetition? it’s a term i came up with on the fly while writing this.

in addition to the “don’t text and drive” part of the law, they’re ALSO looking to add a line whereby you have to allow a ten foot cushion between your car and bicycles that are traveling in the middle of the lane as if they were cars. as a thirty year cyclist you’d think i support this…

…yeah, not so much.

it’s pretty easy – if you wanna trek yo’ giant ass down the middle of the road all huffying and puffing like you’re a schwinn deville i’m gonna treat you as my “street equal”. and you know what i’d do with a car that was going eight miles an hour? i’d tailgate the SHIT out of it. move over and hug the curb. get yo’ pedaling ass up on the sidewalk. or prepare to have my front bumper hovering mere millimeters from your back tire. don’t like it? i just gave you a couple ideas on how to make me go away…

…but don’t pass some law that says i can’t do this. that’s bullshit. i go all over the place on my bike, and i stay out of the way of traffic ’cause i would want the same courtesy…and when some granola-munching soap-allergic patchouli-wreaker wants to pedal around and say, “i have the same rights as a car” then they need to know those rights include the right to be tailgated when you’re being a douche.

don’t pass a “protect the douche cyclist” law – what’s next? protect the douche twenty-something asshole? the system protects them enough when they get older as is – let’s not teach ’em young, k?